


Fight Against the Shadows

by capableofbeingaterror



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, Multi, Nazi Germany, Pain, Pining Grantaire, Platonic Relationships, Possible Character Death, Possible Romance, Rating May Change, Resistance group, Torture, WWII AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 21:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 21,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1177888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capableofbeingaterror/pseuds/capableofbeingaterror
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Engelbert (Enjolras) is a wealthy German university student who wants to help those being persecuted by the Nazis. He enlists the help of some of his friends, and together, they fight against the oppression and tyranny of Hitler and the Nazi party. But they're taking a huge risk by doing this. They're committing treason. Who will survive?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I felt the need to change the name of the Les Amis in order to accommodate the fact that they're German. 
> 
> Here are the list of changed names - I hope it doesn't get too confusing!
> 
> Character name list: 
> 
> Enjolras - Engelbert (bright angel) 
> 
> Grantaire - Gerhard 
> 
> Combeferre - Conrad
> 
> Courfeyrac - Curt
> 
> Feuilly - Frederik
> 
> Joly - Heilmar
> 
> Bossuet - Baldwin
> 
> Bahorel - Bernard 
> 
> Jehan - Johan
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story!

It all began in the winter of 1939. Hans Engelbert, who was simply Engelbert to his friends, was on his way to university. He had just been accepted into it recently, but he expected he would be forced into the army soon. His country, Germany, had just declared war on Poland and everything was chaotic now.

As Engelbert turned the corner, he heard a cry of pain.

"You don't belong here, Jude! Get back to the gutter where you belong!" A man shouted and pushed the teenage boy off of the sidewalk forcefully. The boy fell hard and began to shake with surprised tears.

The seen before him made Engelbert fill with anger, but there was nothing he could do out here in the open. He took his eyes off of the crying boy and continued on his way.

"Something must be done to stop this." He murmured to himself. Engelbert could smell fresh bread being made and turned to a bakery window. In the reflection, he could see that his curly blond hair needed a haircut. He cursed. He enjoyed the way it felt when it was long, but it drew too much unwanted attention if he let it grow.

The proper way for boys to dress was to have nice, short, proper hair, and nice, fresh clothes. His pocket watch told him it was nearly 8:30 and that if he didn't hurry, he'd be late.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"And there is our beautiful bright angel!" Curt greeted with a warm smile on his face. "I was wondering where you had gone off to!"

"I was running a little late. There was a fight in my way." Engelbert explained. Curt frowned at the tone of his friend's voice and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Was it...?"

"Ja."

There was a short silence between them before a young lady appeared.

"Elke!" Curt grinned at her and took her arm gently. "You grow more beautiful each day I see you!" He beamed.

Elke laughed and kissed his cheek. "You're always the same, but I love it! Come over some time and have dinner with my family."

"I would love to, my dear." Curt replied and kissed her hand. Engelbert watched in annoyance as his friend continued his flirting.

"Have you seen Conrad?" Engelbert asked.

"Ja, he is in the library." Curt answered and continued flirting with the poor girl. Engelbert nodded his thanks and walked away. He opened the door to the library and dropped his bag on the table where his friend was. Conrad looked up and took his glasses off.

"Engelbert, mein freund," he smiled. "how are you?"

"I'm well enough. Would you like to come over for dinner tonight?" Engelbert asked in a voice attempting to be casual, but Conrad knew his young friend well enough to know it was important.

"I would love to." He smiled. Engelbert nodded and sat down.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What did you want to speak to me about?" Conrad asked when he and Engelbert were safely in the latter's bedroom.

Engelbert took a cautious breath and looked into Conrad's eyes. if this didn't go well, Engelbert could get turned in.

"I know that you agree with me on some of my concerns with our country. I want you to help me form a secret society." He explained quietly, but bluntly.

Conrad stared at him with wide eyes for a minute or two.

"you're crazy." he breathed and Engelbert's hopes fell slightly. "but…" Conrad continued and sighed. "I'll help you."


	2. Chapter 2

Engelbert and Conrad and spent the next couple of hours before curfew figuring out details. It was agreed that they would be the two leaders of the group since it would be easier to split it up, rather than having eight students meet together.

The number eight came from their group of collective friends or people they felt they could trust. It included, Engelbert, Conrad, Curt, Frederik, Baldwin, Bernard, Heilmar, and Johan. Engelbert would invite a few friends over to his house the following night, and Conrad would do the same at his own house.

A couple years ago, the two had come up with a code so they could speak their mind to each other. It was a code that looked like a normal conversation, so it wouldn't draw suspicion. That is how the two halves of their group would communicate.

As Engelbert was walking the halls in school, someone grabbed his arm. He turned to see Curt grinning at him with a young man standing beside him.

"Sorry if I startled you! I just wanted to introduce you to someone. This is Marius, my new friend." Curt explained cheerily as ever and gestured at the other youth. Engelbert studied Marius for a moment and offered a hand.

"This is Engelbert." Curt added to Marius. Marius frowned slightly confused as he shook Engelbert's hand.

"I'm sorry, but why do you call yourself Curt, me Marius, and then your friend Engelbert? That is your last name, is it not?" The confused Marius inquired.

Curt laughed and patted Marius on the back. "His last name suits him much better than his first, wouldn't you save? 'Bright angel', isn't he?"

Engelbert stiffened slightly while Marius studied him for a few minutes to consider Curt's statement.

"I suppose."

"Well, that's all I needed. Where were you headed, Engelbert?" Curt said, turning to him.

"I was going to study in the library before my next class." Engelbert replied. "I'll see you later." He walked to the library and found an empty corner. He sat down with his papers and started to work. As he wrote, he felt someone's eyes on him and looked up through his eyelashes. There was a curly dark haired fellow sitting in the corner opposite him, watching him intently.

He was not particularly attractive, but not unbearable to look at either. Still, Engelbert didn't really enjoy being watched by someone he didn't know while he was trying to study.

"Can I help you?" He asked after straightening in his seat. The man looked startled, but seemed to brush it off as he smirked.

"I doubt it."

Engelbert stiffened a bit. He didn't like the mocking tone in this man's voice.

"Then why are you watching me?"

"You're the only thing that's even mildly interesting in this room." The man replied still with that irritating smirk.

"I don't think that's true. There are some good books here." Engelbert argued and gestured to a few on the shelf nearest him.

The man snorted and shook his head, but paused and regarded Engelbert with an unreadable expression. Engelbert felt the sun shine through the window and bother his eyes slightly. He cursed lightly and turned away from the annoying light. He thought he heard a sigh, but he could have been mistaken. Either way, he returned to his studying and ignored the other body in the dusty room.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Curt, Frederik, I was wondering if you would like to come over tonight? There's an assignment i could use some help on, and in return, I could help you with your own" Engelbert offered once he had stopped his two friends on their way out of the university.

"of course, ja, I would be happy to come!" Curt agreed with his famous smile.

"My assignment is going alright, but if you really want my help, I could come." Frederik replied and raised an eyebrow quizzically. Engelbert was excellent in most of his subjects, and the ones he struggled with, Frederik wasn't great at himself.

"Danke sehr, I will see you both tonight at 7:00 then, ja?" Engelbert looked at his two friends. they nodded and the three parted ways.


	3. Chapter 3

Engelbert walked into his house.   
"I'm home!" He called and went up to his bedroom before his mother could smother him in a hug.   
He put his bag down and sat on his bed, letting out a sigh.   
"Hans? Aren't you going to give your mother a hug?" The voice of Frau Engelbert called.   
"Ja, I'm coming." Engelbert called back and stood. His feet made thumps down his wooden stairs as he descended.   
"Hans," his mother gushed and pulled him into a tight squeeze. "How are you, my darling?"   
"I'm well, Mutter." Engelbert replied as he wrapped his arms around her. She pulled away and looked at his hair, fondly running her fingers through his hair.   
"You need a haircut."   
Engelbert sighed, but nodded and allowed his mother to escort him into the bathroom. She took out scissors and cut his hair carefully and Engelbert watched as the curls fell to the floor.   
“What do you think?” Frau Engelbert asked and ran a hand through the short hair.   
“It’s fine. Thank you, Mutter.” Engelbert replied and stood up. “I’ll be in my bedroom if you need me.” And he left.  
Once he had locked himself in his room, Engelbert put his books down and began to study. He had no intent on studying once his friends arrived, so it was important to study now before they came.   
He had just finished his first essay when he heard his father call him for supper. Pushing away from his desk, he stood and walked into the dining room. His stern father was sitting at the head of their long table with Frau Engelbert on his left.   
"Hans, come sit. One of my associates is coming over in an hour." Herr Engelbert said. Engelbert nodded and tried to hide his disgust. His father was a loyal member of the Nazi party which meant that the associate he had meantioned was also.   
"I am having a few friends over to study, but we'll be in my room, so we won't disturb you." Engelbert replied and took a sip of wine.   
"Very good," Herr Engelbert nodded. "I won't have anyone bother you then." He added and picked up a forkful of potatoes and out them in his mouth.   
"I was walking to the market today and while I was getting groceries, a boy ran in front of me and made me drop all of them. They were ruined and I had to pay for them anyway. The nerve of some people!" Frau Engelbert exclaimed after a brief silences.   
"Really? Hmm, must have been a Jew." Herr Engelbert said crossly and took a sip of wine. Engelbert felt his jaw clench slightly at his father's anti-semitism.   
"Perhaps it was just a hungry boy. Trying to steal food and got caught." Engelbert suggested and took a bite off of his own plate.   
"Why do you feel the need to challenge all of my comments?" Herr Engelbert demanded angrily. Engelbert took a sip of wine calmly, but kept a cool gaze on his father.   
"Because you allow your hatred to blind you. You think and speak illogical-"  
"Enough!" Herr Engelbert yelled and stood up as he banged his fist on the table. "I will not tolerate such disrespect from my son! Go to your room now! If you cannot hold your tongue, you won't eat."   
Engelbert stood defiantly and looked at his father with cold anger. "Then so be it."   
***  
Engelbert could hear his father discussing business with a man downstairs and felt anger rise in him more. Their great country had gone mad! They seemed to blame all their problems on the communists and the Jews, but they ignored other reasons, even if they were more logical.   
There was a knock at the door and Engelbert stood up with excitement. This was how he was going to fix his county. The time was finally here.   
He went down the stairs, trying to keep his feet quiet so he wouldn't disturb his father, and opened the front door.  
"Curt, Frederik, Johan, come in!" Engelbert invited. "Mein Vater is meeting with someone, so we have to be quiet."  
the three school boys nodded their understanding and followed Engelbert silently up to his bedroom.  
"What do you want to study first?" Curt asked curiously. "We brought Johan because he's better at writing than either of us." He added and elbowed Frederik in the ribs playfully.  
Engelbert smiled at their poetic friend and then turned serious again.  
"We aren't studying tonight."  
"what? Why are we here then?" Frederik asked the question on all the boys' minds.  
"I brought you here because I have watched and listened to you. You are not blinded by hatred and you cringe when you see others mistreated. I brought you here because I am ready to do something about the terrors of our country, and Im asking you to stand with me." Engelbert answered and felt his whole being swell with passion and righteous anger.  
The other boys looked at him in shock and wonder for a few minutes before Johan took the blond's hand and said, "I'll stand with you." He blushed then and turned his eyes downwards, but his eyes held no fear.  
"I'd do anything to bring this world back to it's senses." Curt agreed seriously. "Besides, all these rules greatly limits the amount of pretty girls I can associate with." He added with a wink and an eye roll from Frederik.  
Engelbert nodded appreciatively at the two who had accepted his proposition and turned to Frederik.  
"What about you?"  
"I'll be glad to help. Hitler is sucking out all the beauty in the world. He might be making jobs, but the way he seems to be doing that is killing all the people who had them before. Where's everyone disappearing to? And why would anyone attack Poland? It's a good country and there must be better ways to make Germany right again."  
"I agree. The treaty of Versailles was unjust and made us pay too heavy a price for a war that many countries should be blamed for, but there are other ways to say that and starting another war when so many of our people have already suffered doesn't seem very wise."  
"so what're we going to do about it?" Johan asked. "How do you want to fix our country?"  
"I'll show you."


	4. Chapter 4

The next day at school, Engelbert walked in tired from lack of sleep, but comforted in the knowledge that he and his friends were going to stand against Hitler.

He had spent the next few hours after his friends had left typing up notes to give to his fellow conspirators that day at school. He would have to be careful about doing so and not draw too much attention to himself.

Engelbert found Curt leaned against the wall of the hallway beside a girl who didn't look like Elke. Flirting again. Engelbert shook his head at his friend and walked over to him.

"Hallo, Curt," Engelbert greeted and offered his hand to the dandy. Curt grinned widely and clasped Engelbert's hand firmly and wrapped the other arm around him.

"Engelbert, mein freund! How are you?"

"I'm well enough. How're you?" Engelbert asked as he pulled away gently while carefully shoving a paper into Curt's pocket.

"I'm as good as ever!" Curt laughed and wrapped his now free arm around the girl. "This is Ursula."

"It's nice to meet you," Ursula smiled. "Curt has talked a bit about you and I've seen you walking."

Engelbert smiled politely back and shook her hand. "It's nice to meet you too." Then, turning back to Curt, he added, "I have to speak to Conrad before my first class. I'll see you later."

Engelbert walked away from Curt and Ursula and began to walk to the library where he suspected he would find Conrad. As he rounded the corner, his body collided with something and he dropped one of the notes.

He watched in mild fear as the person he had fallen into reached for the note. It was the dark haired man from before who had stared at him. The man opened the note and read it, looking up at Engelbert with an unreadable expression. Engelbert stared right back and waited for the man to say something.

"Sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going." The man apologized while he stood. "I believe you dropped this."

"Yes I did. Thank you." Engelbert replied and snatched the note back. The other man watched him intently.

"Maybe you could tell me more about your project." He said casually and grinned a bit at Engelbert. Engelbert studied him for a minute and nodded.

"Yes, if you'd like. You could meet me after school by the doors." Engelbert agreed.

"I'll see you then." The man agreed and continued to stare at Engelbert .

"Yes," Engelbert said and wondered why this man watched him like that. "My name's Engelbert." he added and offered his hand. The man looked at his hand for a minute and shook it.

"I'm Gerhard."

"It's nice to meet you. I have to go." Engelbert released Gerhard's hand and walked away.

Engelbert stood by the door to the school waiting for Gerhard. He had arranged with his friends to all "accidently" meet at a small coffee shop a few blocks away. Hardly anyone ever went there and it would be a good place to talk, as long as they were careful.

Gerhard opened the door and seemed to brighten slightly when he saw Engelbert.

"Good, you're here. Let's go." Engelbert said in greeting once the other had walked over. They walked in an awkward silence, but only Gerhard felt it. Engelbert seemed oblivious to everything around him as he walked. He saw some children running, he watched a Jewish boy try to avoid the attention of a Hitler Youth in a uniform, but all the trivial things people seemed to care about seemed not to effect him.

"Hallo, Hans." A pretty girl greeted shyly.

"Guten abent, fräulein." Engelbert replied curtly and continued walking As if the girl hadn't spoken at all. Some would see it as cruel, but he had other things on his mind and the girl didn't matter in the long run.

"That girl was pretty." Gerhard said casually and looked at Engelbert. "She addressed you informally, do you know her?"

"She goes to school with me and has spoken to me on a few occasions." Engelbert answered.

"You don't find her attractive?" Gerhard pressed.

"I have other things on my mind." Engelbert said dismissively and opened the door to the coffee shop. If Engelbert hadn't gone in first, he would have seen the smile on Gerhard's face.

"Engelbert! what a surprise!" Curt greeted loudly. "come join us!"

Engelbert walked over and sat near them gesturing to a chair where Gerhard could sit.

"this is Gerhard, my new friend." He introduced and didn't notice how Gerhard's eyes lit up at those simple words.

"Nice to meet you!" Curt grinned at the dark haired man and offered a hand. "This is Conrad and Johan."

"Nice to meet you." Gerhard replied and let go of Curt's hand.

"Curt!" A voice called. Engelbert turned to the source of the voice and saw a frail looking man with a cane.

"Heilmar!" Curt stood and embraced the man warmly. "How are you? Well I hope."

"Im alright, though Im starting to get a cold." Heilmar replied and let go of Curt. "Bald has been making sure I get enough rest though, so I should be alright soon." He smiled and glanced behind him to where a bald man stood.

Bald was a nickname his friends used for him because of the English word. His name was actually Baldwin.

"well, I wish you a speedy recovery!" Curt smiled.

"Danke," Heilmar smiled back.

Conrad leaned over to Engelbert and put a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"What do you have planned?" He asked in a whisper.

"You'll see." Engelburt replied. He looked up as a slender young woman with red hair walked over to their table.

"Guten abent, can I get you anything?"

"Mein freunds," Engelbert gestured to those around him and looked at the young woman with a purposeful gaze. "have arrived." She nodded slowly in understanding and glanced around the room. There was an old couple in the corner reading their menus and a young family across from them.

"Ah yes, the birthday party? Come with me." She replied and began walking. Engelbert stood and hoped his friends remained as calm as he was himself. He followed the young woman and glanced at Gerhard.

Gerhard also stood up, but glanced around a bit doubtfully. The others seemed to be a little better at hiding their doubt and followed Engelbert while continuing their conversation.

The girl opened a door to a small room in the back and let them go inside.

"here you are! i hope it's comfortable enough for you." She smiled shyly at Engelbert and walked away, closing the door behind her.

Engelbert waited a minute and took out a sheet of paper.

"some of you have asked me, and no doubt you've also asked Conrad, what we're going to do. We are going to attack Hitlers prejudice propaganda and show the people that all who live in a Germany are fellow citizens, regardless of heritage, religion, way of life, or sexuality. People should be judged on individual actions, not because of what they are born as. Just as one man's crime shouldn't condemn an entire nation!

"You have all heard of Herschel Grynszpan who assassinated an embassy official? regardless of whether or not his actions were justified, the Jews should not be blamed for that young man's action.

"This is happening more and more in our country - an entire group of people judged for the actions of one. It is illogical and unjust! The Jews did not make us lose the a Great War, neither did the Gypsies or the Jehovahs Witnesses, or the Communists, or the homosexuals, or anyone else As a group. Nor are they responsible for any other problem we are facing. It was just what happened and blame shouldn't be put on anyone!" Engelbert spoke with conviction and glanced around the room to see his audiences' reaction.

"I would like to try and attack Hitler in any way we can, regardless of the consequences. We must try and bring back what Germany once had and restore honor and justice across the land!"

There was silence in the room as the Freunds watched Engelbert speak.

"thats all fine and well, but if you're caught, which you undoubtedly will be, what good will it do?" Gerhard demanded cynically from his corner.

"regardless of whether we win or not, it is better than sitting and allowing this tyranny to continue! Even if we are caught, we can spread the flame of resistance and aid our fellow citizens." Engelbert replied with vigor and looked at Gerhard with defiance.

"Or you'll spread more fear." Gerhard argued. "If the Gestapo catches you, they'll make an example of you and show all the Reich what is done to traitors."

"or it may spread anger! We could be martyrs that cause more to rise." Engelbert countered and clenched his fists in anger. Gerhard sighed and looked down shaking his head.

"Engelbert, tell them about that paper." Conrad prompted gently. Engelbert nodded and took a calming breath, breaking his eyes away from Gerhard.

"This is our code. it's purpose is for us to communicate with each other, even if we're in public. Once we've all memorized it, we can meet anywhere we like." Engelbert explained and looked at them all. "Read it over a few times. It may take a few meetings before you get the hang of it."

All this time, Gerhard watched him intently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope it's not taking too long to get the action going. It's just hard because I have to set everything up. I'm going to get into the more exciting part soon - I promise I won't pull a Victor Hugo ;)
> 
> German words used:
> 
> Fraulein - "miss"
> 
> Guten abent -" good evening"
> 
> Hallo - "hello"
> 
> Mein Freunds - my friends


	5. Chapter 5

A few weeks had passed with several more meetings, much like the one before. Most of the group had memorized the code, though Baldwin was having trouble with it, as was Gerhard. The first because of his misfortune, and the latter because he wasn't even trying.

Engelbert had only seen Gerhard pick up the paper twice, both times followed by a sardonic comment. The blond was beginning to wonder why the dark haired man even attended the meets at all and considered asking him to leave on a couple occasions, but thought better of it.

Gerhard could be a valuable asset, besides the fact that Engelbert wanted to give him a chance. He thought there must be something worth while inside of this man who spent much of his free time in bars.

Engelbert stood. "Tomorrow we are going to begin our revolution of words! you will all receive pamphlets, which Conrad and I have written, and distribute them in any way you can. Be careful, the Gestapo are always watching."

Curt raised his hand.

"yes Curt?"

"where would you suggest we put them?" Curt asked.

"In telephone booths, on posts, in pockets of coats left around, wherever you can! Just be sure that it cannot be identified back to you." Engelbert replied.

"Engelbert," Johan spoke softly. "I would like to propose something."

"what is it, Johan?" Engelbert asked more gently.

"Now that we are going out into battle where the danger is greater, we are at a greater risk of being discovered. We are all friends here and I believe friendship is a strong bond that requires trust, loyalty, and love." The poet paused and smiled at all his friends in turn. "If one of us is caught, they must not give any of the other's names or anything that might incriminate anyone. No matter how hard they torture you, you must not cave because your friends are trusting you with their lives." He finished and turned a little red, but there was a fiery glow in the young man's eyes.

"I agree with Johan." Conrad spoke after a moment of silence and looked up at Engelbert.

Engelbert nodded.

"We are children of the same country, the same Mother. We are brothers and we must not betray each other. Thank you, Johan." He smiled.

"It's fine to say it, but when they're threatening you with a beating stick, are you going to be so willing to keep your mouth shut?" Gerhard asked and took a sip of wine.

"It will be difficult, but it should still be attempted!" Engelbert countered coldly and then looked at the others. "You are free to go now, I know there are exams that you must study for. I will give you the times to meet me for the pamphlets tomorrow some time."

Everyone started to pack up and leave. Englebert sat down and started working on some of his homework. He looked up after a while and saw that the room was empty, except for Gerhard who sat leaned over something in the dark corner.

Engelbert stood and walked over to his fellow student.

"What are you doing?" He asked. Gerhard jumped at his voice and a book fell to the ground with a load "smack!"

both young men bent to pick it up, but Engelbert was quicker and got to it first. The book fell open to a drawing. The book was, in reality, a sketching pad. the drawing on the page was of a blond young man and... It was Engelbert. Engelbert flipped to a different page subconsciously and saw another drawing of himself, but in this one he was naked.

Engelbert felt his cheeks flush, but he handed the book back silently and allowed himself a minute to wrap his head around this new information. Finally, he looked up to meet Gerhard's eyes.

"You're homosexual?" He asked. It seemed to be a large assumption, but the way Engelbert had been drawn was quite sexual, not only because of the nudity, but because of the expression and position.

"Yes." Gerhard replied flatly and grabbed the sketchbook. "Are you going to report me?"

Engelbert stiffened and clenched his hands into fists.

"I wouldn't report anyone."

Gerhard nodded and took another drink of wine.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Apollo." He smiled slightly and left the room. Engelbert was surprised at being called "Apollo", but his mind was a bit preoccupied with other things. it was surprising for him to have met a homosexual because he hadn't, to his knowledge, met one before. He also hadn't expected to find out by seeing a drawing of himself naked.

Besides all this, Engelbert had to think about tomorrow. He sighed and packed up his own things before exiting the building. he wouldn't get much sleep that night.

\-----

 

Engelbert walked into his bedroom and closed the door. He sighed and placed his bag on his bed by the window and sat at his desk. He paused for a moment and then opened his cupboard to pull out a shiny black typewriter.

"People of Germany! The war has begun and Hitler promises you a victory. He has said that the war will soon be over-" Engelbert paused as he heard footsteps on the stairs and quickly stuffed the typewriter and paper back into the cupboard.

A minute later, his bedroom door opened and Frau Engelbert walked inside.

"Hans, how was school?" She asked kindly and kissed his cheek.

"It was fine, Muter." he replied and hugged her as briefly as he could get away with.

"I'm glad. You should come down for supper now, darling." She smiled and straightened.

"I'll be down in a minute." Engelbert replied And waited for his mother to leave before finishing up the draft of the pamphlet and hiding it under the mattress of his bed.

\------

After getting ready for bed, Engelbert took out the pamphlet and typewriter and carefully began typing up more, moving his fingers very slowly across the keys in order to make as little noise as possible. Despite his efforts, the typewriter made quite a bit of noise, and Engelbert was glad that his parents were deep sleepers. His eyes began to droop from sleepiness, and soon he had to stand and take a break. He paced around his room and rubbed his eyes before sitting back down and finishing.

At nearly 3 am, Engelbert had written 30 pamphlets which he stuck beneath his mattress. He placed the typewriter back in the cupboard and climbed into bed.

After all this work, one would think Engelbert would have fallen asleep "the second his head hit the pillow", but this doesn't happen to people outside of fiction, especially when the person has much on his mind.

The blond young man tossed for fifteen minutes before his mind finally gave him a break and allowed him rest.


	6. Chapter 6

Engelbert heard a distant ringing in his ears and dreamt it was the whizzing sound of bullets piercing the air in a battle field. The screams of the dying were all around him and he felt something hit him in the arm. He gasped and clutched the wound.

Engelbert woke up and lay still for a moment to calm his racing heart. It was just a dream, he reminded himself, and in a moment, he was calm again.

he looked at his alarm clock that was still ringing and turned it off before climbing out of bed. He walked over to his closet and took some clothes out.

"Hans," his mother said softly from the other side of the door. "I have breakfast for you downstairs."

"alright, I'll be down in a moment." Engelbert replied as he got dressed. He carefully retrieved the pamphlets from under the mattress and slipped them in his texts books and notebook.

once he was satisfied that they were safety tucked away, he went downstairs.

"Gerhard,"Engelbert called to the dark haired student leaning against the wall. Gerhard looked up.

"What do you want?" He asked and walked over to Engelbert.

"Would you like to come get coffee with me?" Engelbert asked casually.

"I would, ja." Gerhard agreed with a grin. Engelbert wasn't disgusted with him? That was surprising to him. Most people were disgusted with revelations of that sort.

Engelbert smiled slightly back and began to walk, obviously expecting Gerhard to follow. Gerhard did.

Engelbert opened the door to the café and ordered two cups of coffee before sitting down. Gerhard sat across from him and watched as the blond took something from his satchel and handed it to Gerhard. Gerhard looked at it and saw it was about five folded up pamphlets.

"Will you help me?" Engelbert asked in a quiet voice that sounded seductive to Gerhard's ears, even though it wasn't meant to. Gerhard would have said no, but he hated the thought of Engelbert being disappointed in him like he had been the last few weeks. It would also be nice to get to stand beside Engelbert for an hour.

"I will." Gerhard agreed and took a swig of his coffee that had a significant lack of alcohol in it.

Engelbert nodded and drank his coffee as well.

"what about your friends?" Gerhard asked after a minute.

"They're already working on their assignments." Engelbert answered calmly and finished his coffee. "Are you finished?"

Gerhard looked down at his drink and noticed it was still half full. He brought it to his lips and downed the rest in a few gulps.

"let's go." He said and stood up.

Engelbert returned their cups and then lead the way out the door. They walked together for a while until they came to a poster board.

"This is a good place. Keep an eye out for the police while I put one up." Engelbert ordered. Gerhard nodded and looked around the street, but was a little distracted by how close he was to the beautiful blond. Why had he agreed to come? This was a bad idea. He was going to make a fool out of himself at best, and at worst end them up in prison to be executed for high treason. Great.

He heard Engelbert curse. "I gave them to you."

"Oh," Gerhard replied. "They're in my pocket." he explained and was about to look down when Engelbert said,

"keep looking around, I'll get them." And Gerhard felt a hand reach inside his pocket and pull a sheet of folded paper out.

Engelbert was oblivious to Gerhard's discomfort as he did so. His mind was only thinking about the importance of getting the pamphlet up quickly before someone came. He turned back to face the board and pinned it carefully.

"Let's go." he said and walked.

After putting up a the next three, they were on their last one.

Gerhard had been pretty good at keeping an eye out, but now as Engelbert stretched to put the last one up, Gerhard was distracted and watched Engelbert in awe. Engelbert glanced at him and stiffened.

"Stop looking at me like that - you're going to get us caught." the blond reminded a little harshly.

"Ja, sorry." Gerhard apologized and turned in round in time to see someone running towards them.

"What are you doing?!" The man demanded.

Engelbert pulled away from the board and looked at the man.

"we were racing and mien freund, Gerhard, tripped and fell into this board. some of the papers fell and I was putting them back up." he lied carefully.

"What is that in your hand?" The man demanded. "Give it to me."

Engelbert moved his hand to give the paper to the man, but then a voice said,

"Hans? Herr Faust, I will take care of this." it was the voice of Herr Engelbert.

The man nodded, said "Heil Hitler!" And left. Engelbert turned to his father and felt his jaw clench, but remained outwardly calm.

"What's this about?" His father demanded.

"I already told that man - we were racing and Gerhard," Engelbert gestured to him. "tripped and fell into the board. The parts fell and I was putting them back up. His is the last one that fell," he explained.

"very well, give it here." Herr Engelbert demanded. Engelbert handed the paper to his father and tried to hide the hatred from his eyes.

"Hans! Did you read this?!" His father asked in horror.

"Nien, what does it say?" Engelbert replied curiously.

"it does not matter. Go home!"

Engelbert obeyed and walked with Gerhard away from his father and their close encounter.

"I'm sorry." Gerhard muttered when they were out of earshot.

"Pay more attention next time." Engelbert replied coldly. "Goodnight."


	7. Chapter 7

"isn't this great?" Curt asked as they walked into the dance hall.

"Ja, it's great to see so many German youth participating in a resistance movement, even if it is only to protest the prohibition of certain types of music and dance." Engelbert agreed. Curt snorted.

"Only you would go to a dance hall that plays swing just to spite the government."

The others laughed.

"Why don't you go dance?" Conrad suggested. "It could be fun. You've been working so hard recently and you should relax a bit."

"yes, especially after your close encounter yesterday." Heilmar agreed. "dancing could reduce the stress."

Engelbert stiffened slightly at the mention of it and everyone looked at Gerhard. Gerhard shrugged and took a couple coins out of his pocket.

"I'm going to get a drink." He said and walked towards the bar.

Engelbert sat down and watched as the teenagers and young adults danced across the floor. Conrad sat beside him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Go dance! It would really be good for you, mien freund."

"ja, it probably would be, but I dislike dancing." Engelbert replied with an uninterested sigh.

Conrad squeezed his shoulder once and then followed the others onto the dance floor, leaving Engelbert alone.

Engelbert sat and pondered the near deadly mistake Gerhard had made. Perhaps it would be better to have him with someone else next time. It was obvious that the man was attracted to him, so he was just a distraction.

There was also lots of planning to do, but Engelbert would have to be more careful now that he had already nearly been caught.

The blond remained in reverie as song after song passed.

"do you want to dance?" A voice called him back from his imaginings.

Engelbert looked up and saw it was Gerhard, leaning on the table for support. His eyes were dim and he had a dumb grin on his face. The blond stiffened.

"Wouldn't that draw suspicion?" he replied reasonably. "Even if these people want to spite the government with dance and song, they may not be supportive of everything."

"If anyone asked, you can always point out that I'm drunk." Gerhard shrugged still grinning. For someone who was so drunk, he spoke very well. Engelbert had to admit his point was valid, but the fact remained that Engelbert wasn't in the mood for dancing.

"Come on, come spite the government with me!" Gerhard said boldly and took Engelbert's arm, pulling him to his feet. Engelbert was surprised into submission for a minute before his mind cleared. He tried to pull away, but Gerhard had a strong grip, even if he was being gentle.

Engelbert was lead to the dance-floor and Gerhard started to dance. Engelbert didn't like being forced into anything, but it would be strange to go back to his seat after being lead out here, Especially because people were staring at them now.

And so the blond leader danced, despite his better judgement. He noticed that Gerhard's hazy eyes seemed to light up as they danced and a couple times, a laugh broke through his abused vocal-cords.

As soon as the song ended, Engelbert pulled his hands free and turned away from the drunk without another word, and Gerhard tried not to be hurt as he watched the beautiful blond angel leave him.

"How did Gerhard convince you to dance?" Curt asked as he slid beside Engelbert.

"He grabbed my arm." Engelbert replied dismissively. "Your assignment went well?" He asked. curt rolled his eyes at his leader changing the subject but complied.

"Ja, it well very well! At least, I didn't get caught." He agreed with a wink.

Now it was Engelbert's turn to roll his eyes.

suddenly the music changed and everyone started to dance formally. Engelbert could sense the nervousness in the room as the doors burst open and the SS walked in.

Gerhard fell into a seat in the other side of Engelbert and smirked as he watched the SS invade their dance hall.

"Maybe you should give them a speech and see if they listen." He said to Engelbert.

"You're drunk, go away and shut up." Engelbert snapped back. He hated mockery, especially of a topic so important as the persecution of so many groups of people in the country he loved.

Engelbert couldn't see the flash of pain the the cynics eyes, but he heard the man stand shakily and walk to a different table.

"That was harsh, mien freund." Curt said after an awkward pause.

"He shouldn't mock such important things." Engelbert defended himself calmly. He knew it had been harsh, but it had also been wrong of Gerhard to say what he had.

Curt patted Engelbert on the back and went to ask a girl to waltz with him.

Conrad took Curt's seat and smiled slightly at Engelbert.

"How are you?" he asked. "I saw you dancing with Gerhard. He seemed intoxicated."

"He is. He took my arm and dragged me onto the dance-floor, but by then it was too late to go back, so I danced with him." Engelbert replied simply. "And I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm well enough." Conrad answered and glanced around to see where the others were. "The SS have left. Perhaps we should go." He suggested.

"Yes, I have a lot of work to do." Engelbert agreed and stood up. He put his long black coat over and wrapped his red scarf around his neck.

Conrad went over to grab Curt. The three of them lived in the same direction, so they always walked together.

Engelbert glanced around to see where Frederik was. He ought he had seen him that night, but it was hard to remember because they hadn't actually spoken. Actually, Frederik hadn't spoken all day.

He spotted the orphan leaned up against a wall looking troubled. Engelbert walked over and gently laid a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Frederik, is something wrong?" He asked. Frederik jumped a bit and looked at Engelbert.

"You know that I was looking for my parents, ja?" Frederik asked in a quiet voice.

"Yes, I remember. Did you learn who they were?" Engelbert Answered. Frederik nodded and bit his lip.

"I think they were Jews."

Engelbert was surprised and wasn't sure what to say.

"How do you know?"

"I was seeing the burial records for around the time I was found. The only record I found was of a Jewish woman named Chavah." Frederik explained relatively calmly. Engelbert nodded.

"You're adopted by Christians though, aren't you?" he asked.

"Ja, but..what happens if someone finds out?" Frederik said. He sounded afraid and Engelbert couldn't blame him.

"It's alright," Engelbert said and squeezed Frederik's shoulder gently. Frederik smiled slightly, but didn't seem very comforted. "Would you like to walk home with us? Perhaps you could stay the night with one of us."

Frederik laughed a bit.

"Not with you though, sorry, mien freund."

Engelbert smiled a bit in understanding.

"You aren't ashamed though, are you? There's nothing wrong with being a Jew." Engelbert asked after a pause.

"I'm not ashamed, nein. In fact, it makes me want to fight harder against the Nazi party. Im just a little afraid." Frederik assured him.

Engelbert nodded.

"Well, goodnight."


	8. Chapter 8

"where were you?" Herr Engelbert demanded when Engelbert walked in the door.

"I was studying with Conrad." Engelbert replied as he took his coat and scarf off and hung them up in the closet.

"Alright. Go to bed or your studying will have gone to waste." HIs father barked. Engelbert nodded and climbed the stairs to his bedroom and moved his arm to close the door.

"Something more should be done with the Jewish problem. They're like rats infesting our streets - it's disgusting!" Herr Engelbert said and marched towards his office in frustration.

Engelbert was grateful that Frederik had gone home with Conrad.

\----

"I heard a couple brave students discussing the pamphlets we handed out the other day. Our endeavors have already paid off in a small degree, now all we have to do is -"

Engelbert went silent as the door opened and Johan walked inside. Curt stood in surprise.

"Johan, mien freund, what happened?" Curt asked. Frederik looked anxiously at Bernard. Engelbert watched on silently with a slightly more concerned expression than he usually wore.

Johan closed the door and took his navy blue coat and brown scarf off, revealing his off-white shirt and grey slacks.

"I was on my way over here, but I caught sight of two brutish looking young men walking along. They were walking towards a fellow who must be around fourteen. They asked if he was Juden and he said he was. They beat him. I couldn't watch them do that to someone so young, especially after he had shown such courage, so I interfered." Johan explained in a soft voice that grew with excitement and righteous anger with each word. A blush crept onto his face when he had finished, but it was difficult to see amid the blood flowing from his nose and lips, and the black eye that had formed on one side.

"Is the boy alright?" Engelbert asked without hesitation. Gerhard snorted from his corner.

"The mighty Apollo sees his comrade return from a heroic task bleeding and broken, and his first question is for the stranger rescued?"

Engelbert ignored the cynic and kept his piercing eyes on Johan.

"he will be alright I think, ja." Johan answered and smiled a little.

Engelbert nodded and put a hand on the poet's small shoulder.

"We must all learn something from this act, both from the victim, and from his savior. The Jewish boy stood for what he believed, even though he was bound to be injured in some way. He was wiling to take a beating in order to demonstrate that he was not broken. And our friend, Johan, forgot his own needs, forgot that I would be frustrated at his absence, forgot the most human and weak instinct in us for self preservation, and decided to save a fellow human being. Let us remember our two brothers as we continue to prepare and fight!" Engelbert spoke passionately to the entire room.

"how about another lesson: those who stand up get a bloody nose!" Gerhard argued. Engelbert turned to look at Gerhard.

"And where would the world be if we adopted your philosophy? We would be back in the -"

"we wouldn't be here! Maybe we could all live in peace with our heads down! The Hitlers and Caesars and kings of the world would have gotten their way and it would be done." Gerhard interrupted.

"There is no peace when there is a lack of liberty! Without liberty, life is worthless!" Engelbert cried passionately with blue eyes ablaze.

"Oh, and that is why you see no reason not to throw your life away and sacrifice your friends to the wolves?!" Gerhard shouted back and took a swig of his drink. He had not finished his gulp when the bottle was ripped from his lips, spilling he foul liquid everywhere.

"If you will not fight with us, then leave." Engelbert said in a low, cold voice that was more terrifying than the previous thunderous yelling.

Gerhard stared into those eyes through his own wine drenched messy curls and stood when he found no mercy.

"You would cast a friend out?" Gerhard asked and tried to swallow the lump in his throat and hide it with a sneer.

"you are no friend of mine!" Engelbert spat.

Engelbert hated that his man mocked their endeavors and that he came to the meetings just to drink and stare at him and that every word disheartened the others. Why did he come?! Even attraction shouldn't be enough to convince someone to come to life threatening meetings. Perhaps this punishment would be enough to convince Gerhard to leave.

Gerhard nodded and grabbed his sketchbook before fleeing from the room, slamming the door closed behind him and heading out into the rain.

Engelbert sighed internally and stayed in his own thoughts for a moment. He wanted Gerhard to believe. He wanted the cynic to be on their side. Gerhard was part of a minority group being oppressed, why wasn't he pleased that there were some against persecution?

"Come here, Johan, I'll look at your injuries." Conrad offered softly.

\----

Gerhard sat in the corner of a bar and drank another gulp or two of some cheep alcohol. He wasn't sure how much he had had, but it was probably a lot because he couldn't tell which direction the door was in. At least, that was until he heard a voice.

"Gerhard," Engelbert said stiffly.

"Apollo?" Gerhard asked and tried to turn in his chair in order to see the beautiful man, but his only reward was a disobedient chair that toppled over.

"Uhhh, where're ya?" Gerhard asked dazedly. In a moment, he felt arms lifting him.

"You've drunken far too much." The cold voice said. But Gerhard didn't care. The only thing that brought him happiness was holding him. Maybe it wasn't the best of circumstances, but it was better than nothing.

"So?" He demanded, but there wasn't much emotion behind the slurred words.

"Where do you live? I should get you home." Engelbert offered.

"You want to take me home?" Gerhard asked. After a minute he laughed at his unintentional humor. It was so funny that it made tears run down his cheeks - or was that just the painful truth behind his joke?

"You can't get there yourself. Frederik, Curt, and Heilmar asked me to find you. blame them." Engelbert replied coolly and began to drag Gerhard out of the bar.

Gerhard didn't complain the whole walk there. It was all a blur and when they finally got to his small apartment, he almost smiled with pleasure. Engelbert was standing inside his apartment with an arm around his waist.

"Why don't you sit down? I'll get you some water." Engelbert suggested and left Gerhard on a sofa to go and find a glass.

"You don't hate me?" Gerhard asked and grinned a bit before cold liquid was practically forced down his throat.

"I don't hate you." Engelbert replied, but his tone was still cold. He put the glass down and pushed Gerhard down until he was lying on his back. "Lie on your side and rest. I'll have Heilmar come and check on you tomorrow before school."

Gerhard grabbed Engelbert's hand.

"Mm, stay?" He asked.

"Nein." Englebert replied with finality. "I have work to do. Sleep well, Gerhard." and with that, he left.


	9. Chapter 9

There was a knock at Engelbert's bedroom door.

"Hans?" His mother's voice called through the wood. "Conrad is here to see you. He said you had wanted some help with an assignment before school."

Engelbert groggily opened his eyes and lifted his head from it's place on the desk. He had fallen asleep writing. It was then that he looked down at what he had been writing and saw it was a pamphlet. His eyes grew wide and he quickly dashed to hide the evidence. He would have to be more careful!

"Hans?" His mother repeated.

"Ja Mutter, Im coming!" Engelbert replied and quickly dressed himself in black slacks and a white collared shirt before opening the door.

"My goodness, darling, you look a mess!" Frau Engelbert exclaimed upon seeing the blond. There was someone behind her, however, who her son was more interested in speaking with.

"Conrad, please, come in." Engelbert offered. his friend stepped forward and followed Engelbert into the latter's bedroom. The door was closed with a soft bang.

"we are each meeting with half the group tonight, ja?" Conrad asked.

"The cafe is under close inspection right now." Engelbert confirmed.

"Mein freund... What about Gerhard?"

"was? What about it?" Engelbert asked.

"We hadn't included him in the original group. Should I take him with me, or with you?" Conrad explained.

"With me." Engelbert said after a short pause. Conrad's gentle nature would be unable to get the man to be quiet.

"Alright." Conrad nodded.

"Mein Vater has already seen him. It would be suspicious if I didn't invite him over as friends do." Engelbert added.

"Heilmar should be going over there now. What was he like when you found him?" Conrad asked as he walked over to Engelbert's bed and sat down.

"He was very drunk. He fell out of his chair in an effort to see me." Engelbert said and sat beside Conrad.

"And you took him home, ja?"

"Yes, I took him home, but it took a great deal of effort and I stank of wine and filth by he end of it. Thankfully, my parents were already in bed. It seems they had a long day." Engelbert said distantly.

"Engelbert," Conrad put a hand on Engelbert's shoulder. "You look exhausted. Did you sleep last night?"

"Ja, I slept."

"Where?"

There was a pause before Engelbert admitted, "at my desk. Conrad, I left the pamphlet I was working on out. I must be more careful. This is twice I could have been caught now."

"You shouldn't work so late." Conrad reasoned gently.

"that's the best time because my parents are asleep." Engelbert argued.

silence passed between them until Conrad looked at a clock.

"We should go." He said. Engelbert nodded and the two stood.

\----

"Engelbert!" Frederik called. Engelbert turned to look at him. Frederik wore brown knickers, a white collared shirt, and a cap, but most eye-catching thing about the man was his expression of fear. It was almost as though he were trying to hide his fear, but he was failing terribly.

"what is it?" Engelbert asked.

"They're digging." Frederik said simply. He winced when he saw the look in his leader's eyes. "I'm sorry, I don't want to worry you, I just thought you'd like to know and..." He trailed off. Engelbert put a hand on his shoulder.

"I understand. I'll figure something out."

"Nein!" Frederik said firmly. "Engelbert, I wouldn't want... I do not ask for help, I just thought you should know. Thank you for your understanding, mein Freund." and with that, the poor student turned to leave.

Engelbert watched the red-head walk away and sighed. So that was it then. One of his friends was likely going to be shipped away because his birth parents were Jewish. No, Engelbert wouldn't allow it. He walked with long strides over to Conrad and took his arm gently.

"Conrad, how are you?" He asked.

"I'm well enough. How're you?" Conrad replied with a small smile. Engelbert nodded.

"I'm fine, thank you. I have about fifteen minute before my first class. Would you like to get a cup of coffee with me?" The blond asked civilly.

"sure." Conrad agreed. The two walked to the nearby cafe - across from the one they had met at previously - and opened the door. A bell above it sent a soft little ring through the small building and alerted someone to their arrival.

Engelbert lead the way to a table on the side. He hoped that they would be hidden in plain sight there and not draw attention to themselves.

"why have you brought me here?" Conrad asked, keeping his voice and expression casual while speaking quietly.

"When we were studying with Frederik the other night, you brought him home, ja?" Engelbert asked in the same casual manner. Conrad's opened a little wider and he nodded.

"Was anyone upset with how late he got home?" Conrad asked and looked at Engelbert knowingly, trying to convey that he understood that Frederik was in trouble because of his birth parents.

"If they find out, he could be." Engelbert agreed. "Next time, we should be sure to get him home on time."

Conrad could pick up that Engelbert wanted to help Frederik, but how? They could hide him, but where?

"Ja," Conrad agreed and took a sip of coffee as a segue. "How is Gerhard?"

"He's well enough." Engelbert said and found it difficult to hide the disgust from his voice.

"Perhaps someone should stay with him to make sure he's alright." Conrad suggested. Engelbert looked at Conrad in surprise but nodded and grimaced a little. He knew Conrad had a reasonable idea. Gerhard lived alone, unlike most of their friends, but could he keep a secret? He was a drunk and to Engelbert's experience, most drunks had a loose tongue.

"I'll find someone who's willing to do that." Engelbert agreed and looked at his watch. "My class is about to start. I'll talk to you later, ja?"

"Ja, alright." Conrad agreed.

\---

That night in Engelbert's bedroom, Engelbert looked at the small amount of men gathered.

"We will continue to print pamphlets and try to bring the people to our side, but we must do more. Hitler is gaining more power and control over our country every day. His progress must be stopped! Although it is a terrible thing, the time will come when it will be necessary to fight against them with weapons and not only words. We must wage war with our corrupted leaders, as they do with the rest of Europe!" Engelbert said with quiet passion.

Gerhard watched as cold fire danced in the blond leader's eyes, his hips swaying just slightly as he walked, and his hands clenching in righteous anger. The man was remarkable, but terrifying. Even in trying to free their country, would he bring them all into a worse sort of oppression? Would he bring them all to endless pain and death?

The others did not seem to share the cynical fears he felt. They seemed inspired by Engelbert's words. Why couldn't they see?

Once the meeting had ended, Engelbert crossed the room and put a hand on Gerhard's shoulder.

"You have a spare bedroom, ja?" He asked. Gerhard felt his heart skip a beat. What was the Greek god asking him?

"Um, I do, ja. Why?" Gerhard asked in response.

"Could Frederik stay with you? It would...it would have to be a secret. Could you keep a secret for me?" Engelbert requested in a soft musical voice that was unjustly attractive. Gerhard had to fight hard to focus on the meaning behind the angelic voice.

"why? What has he done?" Gerhard said cautiously.

"Tell me you can keep a secret first!" Engelbert hissed.

Gerhard smirked. "What will you give me as a reward?" Engelbert stared coldly at him and Gerhard shivered under the scrutiny.

"You require a reward for keeping a friend safe?"

"You forget, dear Apollo, this is not a game. If I'm caught, I'll be tortured and killed. You've got to give me something more than human decency." Gerhard replied.

"What do you want?" Engelbert asked after a pause.

"A kiss?" Gerhard asked. Engelbert recoiled and snarled at him.

"I am no whore. I don't sell my body." Was the cold reply.

Gerhard found that answer both beautiful and painful. He loved Engelbert for saying no. He loved the virtuous man that Engelbert was. He was something Gerhard could never be. Still, Gerhard longed to touch his lips against his Apollo's and run fingers through the silken curls. He wished for other things as well, but he shouldn't think of those with Engelbert so close by - it could lead to disaster.

"I wouldn't wish you to." Gerhard said and turned away. "I'll do as you ask. Goodnight, Apollo."


	10. Chapter 10

The next day, Engelbert knocked on Fredrik's house before school started.

A frail woman opened the door and looked up at Engelbert.

"Guten morgen, Frau Freyman. Is Frederik up?" The blond asked politely.

"Ja, I will get him for you. You're Hans Engelbert, ja?" Frau Freyman said. Engelbert nodded. Frederik's adopted mother retreated into the semi dark safety of her house and Engelbert could hear a distant voice calling for Frederik.

It was fairly obvious that Frederik had been adopted. Frau Freyman had dark brown hair whereas Frederik had red. their noses were different and Frederik's lips were much nicer. Engelbert didn't pay much attention to things that didnt matter, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew these things.

Johan would know them better. Johan paid great attention to everything about someone. He could write a poem about them after knowing them only a short time and it would capture them nearly perfectly. The young poet had a knack for understanding people, but he seemed to mostly notice the good in them.

In a minute, Frederik appeared at the door. "Engelbert, it's nice to see you. is there something I can help you with?" He asked.

"Grab whatever you need. We've found somewhere for you to stay." Engelbert said very softly as he embraced the red-head. "It's nice to see you too." He added louder.

"Nei-"

"We need you." Engelbert interrupted and released Frederik from his arms. Frederik nodded and turned back towards the entrance to his home.

"I'll just grab my school bag."

 

Engelbert knocked on the door. There was a pause of three seconds - though it felt longer to Engelbert and Frederik - before the door opened to reveal Gerhard.

"Come in, mein freunds!" He offered and opened the door wider to allow them entrance.

the two walked inside the shabby apartment and looked around. The whole place was a mess with bottles and papers and paintings - most of them Engelbert - lying everywhere. Frederik noticed the paintings of their leader and looked at Engelbert in confusion.

"The guest bedroom is in there," Gerhard said and stepped around his obstacle course in order to gesture to a slightly open door. Frederik smiled and opened the door. To his surprise, it was rather clean.

"Danke sehr, Gerhard!" Frederik exclaimed. "are you sure it's not too much trouble?"

"nein, it's fine, Frederik."Gerhard assured the red-head with a vague wave of his hand.

"Und Engelbert has told you, ja?" Frederik checked cautiously.

"That your parents might be Jewish? Ja. After I agreed to take you in he told me." Gerhard confirmed.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to put you at risk." Frederik said and glanced at Engelbert.

"we are all putting ourselves at risk for the betterment of our country. Why should we not put ourselves at risk for a friend's sake also?" Engelbert argued. Frederik smiled a little and nodded.

"It isn't only for our country though, it's for the world. All mankind are our brothers and Germany is our mother, but the whole earth is our family. Our loyalty is to all of it, though we owe our mother a debt of love since we are hers." Frederik explained.

Engelbert was about to reply, but Gerhard interrupted with a snort.

"You both act as though Germany is a real person who cares about you. Germany is just a piece of land on a map. if you had been born in a different country, you would love it just as much as you love Germany now. if you had been born in France, would you even think about Germany except as an enemy, Apollo?" Gerhard asked.

"You have no sense of loyalty and you believe in nothing. How can you lecture me on it when you know nothing of it yourself?" Engelbert argued. "I have to get to class. ill speak to you later."

"You're running away because the answer isn't what you'd like it to be? That is very out of character, Engelbert." Gerhard taunted.

"I am not running, but there are more important things than giving you the answer you want." Engelbert said angrily. "But if you won't leave me in peace until I do, then no, I would not love Germany as I do now, but I would love the country I was born into just as much. It is the idea of a country and the loyalty she deserves - it's her fellow citizens who I am a part of and the history that makes me love her. I believe in Germany and in her future.

"What do you love? What do you believe in, Gerhard?" Engelbert retorted and stepped closer to Gerhard with a piercing gaze.

Gerhard gained a bit of courage and took hold of Engelbert's hand.

"I believe in you." He said with more sincerity than he was used to showing. Engelbert looked into Gerhard's eyes and studied his face. After a moment, he realized the dark haired man was serious.

Engelbert gently pulled his hand out of the grasp of his votary and turned to leave. The blond didn't like the way Gerhard made him feel; he felt worshipped and it didn't feel right.

"Thank you for taking care of Frederik. Tschüss!" Engelbert said in farewell and left.


	11. Chapter 11

"Frau Freyman?" A man asked. Frau Freyman glanced at the swastika on his arm and tried to hide her fear.

"ja," She agreed quietly. "what is this about?"

"Is Frederik here?" He demanded.

"Nein," She replied and wiped her damp hands on her frayed white apron. She had been washing the dishes when she had heard a knock at the door. "What is this about?"

"Where is he?" The man barked impatiently.

"He went off with a school friend, they must be in class." Frau Freyman replied nervously.

"What was his friend's name?" The man demanded.

"I...I can't recall..." Frau Freyman lied.

"Come with me, please." The man said and took hold of her arm.

 

"Engelbert!" Johan cried as he ran towards the blond student. Engelbert looked up.

"Johan, what is it?" Engelbert asked.

"Its Bernard. He was on his way here, but got in a fight with some Hitler Youth." Johan explained hurriedly as he struggled to regain his breath. "Do you know where Heilmar is?"

Engelbert listened to the poet and looked around.

"I believe he is in the library with Baldwin. They were studying for an exam." Engelbert answered. "I'll get him for you."

"Danke sehr, mein freund!" Johan said and sank to the ground by the window.

Engelbert quickly walked to the library. If Bernard had gotten himself into a fight with a group of Hitler Youth who carried knives, there was no telling how injured he would be. This was quite troubling and Engelbert, although he remained outwardly calm, was afraid for his friend. He opened the door to the library and immediately spotted the balding young man sitting beside the medical student with a cane and a sniffle.

"Heilmar!" Engelbert called softly. The medical student looked up and saw Engelbert needed something.

"What is it?"

"Bernard got in another fight." Engelbert explained simply. "Johan was looking for you - he's near the doors." As soon as Engelbert had finished his sentence, Heilmar took off towards Johan.

"I'll be back as soon as I can, Bald!" He called back to his best friend.

Engelbert watched the medical student leave and was torn between following and staying away. In a moment he realized following would draw far too much attention to himself, so he stayed in the library to study for his own exams.

 

A few days later, Engelbert was coming out of class from passing his exam. He was glad that he had passed it, but was preoccupied with planning meetings, writing more pamphlets, and struggling to find new ways to combat Hitler.

Bernard had been beaten pretty badly, but all the boys involved in the fight were in rough shape, so Bernard could hardly be happier.

"They were making fun of a Jewish girl and her boyfriend punched one of them in the jaw, so when I saw the fight, I thought it would be good to intervene and even out the odds a little." Bernard had explained at the meeting the previous night with a grin on his face.

As Engelbert was busy with his thoughts, someone grabbed him by the arm.

"Engelbert," The person said in a shaky voice. The blond looked up to meet the frightened eyes of Gerhard. "C-could I go with you to study?"

Engelbert frowned a bit, but nodded. What was troubling this man?

They walked in silence because neither one was willing to speak. Engelbert still felt a little strange about the dark hair cynic since the day they had arranged for Frederik to stay with Gerhard.

Winter was beginning to come and a sharp wind rustled they boys' clothes and hair, making them cold. To Gerhard, this was unpleasant and only added to his cynicism and fear, but for Engelbert, it was a free feeling and made him feel alive.

They reached Engelbert's house - which was larger than most other family's homes - and Engelbert quickly lead Gerhard up to his bedroom.

Once they were safely inside, Engelbert looked into Gerhard's eyes and asked quietly,

"what's wrong?"

"I-" Gerhard's explination was interrupted with a quick intake of breath and a choked sob. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Engelbert, I...I didn't mean to..." the cynic rambled through the sobs. Engelbert put a hand on Gerhard's shoulder and tried to hush him. If they were too loud, his parents would wonder what was going on.

"Shh! Gerhard, what is it?" Engelbert asked again, trying to keep his voice firm, but more gentle this time.

"It-it's Fr-Frederik!" Gerhard managed and continued to cry, but had mostly gotten control of himself. "He...he's gone. My a-apartment is in r-ruins and... Engelbert, they took him while I was at school and I-I hate myself just as much as you hate me! I'm sorry, I..." and here Gerhard resumed his sobbing.

Engelbert sat unmoving for a moment while he digested this information. Frederik had been taken then. That thought caused a burden to fall upon Engelbert's slim shoulders and he internally mourned for the loss of so great a friend and ally. Gerhard's continued sobs brought Engelbert out of his reverie and the blond regarded the cynic. He hesitated only a couple seconds before wrapping his arms around Gerhard and pulling him slightly closer.

"It isn't your fault. There was a chance he would be caught, and unless there's something you're not telling me, it wasn't because of you." Engelbert said quietly and tried to calm the shaking figure in his arms by drawing a circle into Gerhard's back.

"Y-you don't b-blame me?" Gerhard asked in a soft voice like a child. It was then that Engelbert smelt the alcohol on the other man's breath and realized that Gerhard had been drinking.

"How much have you been drinking?" Engelbert asked.

"I had a couple bottles." Gerhard replied and nuzzled into Engelbert's chest gently. "I'm sorry."

"I don't blame you." Engelbert said and allowed Gerhard to cling to him and run a hand through his blond curls. The reason he allowed this was not because he had feelings for Gerhard - he didn't-, but it was because Engelbert realized that they would find out who Gerhard was and they would take him away also. Gerhard was likely going to die. The blond sighed and gently pulled away. He stood up and opened a drawer of his wooden dresser quietly. After a minute of searching, he pulled out a small container and took out a little pill.

"Gerhard, I want you to take this with you. If anyone comes for you, take it. You said yourself that we can't be sure who will be able to hold up against torture, so I found some cyanide pills." Engelbert explained quietly and slipped the lethal pill into Gerhard's pocket.

Gerhard followed Engelbert's hand with his red, drunken, sleep deprived eyes and nodded.

"You do listen sometimes after all." Gerhard said with a smirk, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Is there somewhere you'd like to stay tonight? We could find somewhere for you to h-"

"Nein. I don't want to put anyone in danger on my account, and unlike Frederik, you don't need me. You never needed me. Actually, I'm surprised you let me stay as long as you have. I'll go back to my ruined apartment and wait for them to find me and then I'll take the pill." Gerhard interrupted and tried to swallow the lump in his throat that kept forming. "goodnight, Engelbert." Gerhard said and turned to leave.

Engelbert took the cynic's arm and handed him some money.

"Stay the night in a hotel then if you won't accept our help. I wouldn't want you to freeze to death in your apartment."

"Danke sehr, mein freu-" Gerhard paused and looked down. They weren't really friends. Engelbert hated him.

"You're welcome," Engelbert replied and paused before adding, "Mein freund."


	12. Chapter 12

Engelbert sat on his bed for an hour after Gerhard left. He thought of the red-headed student who had had very little time to spare and had decided to spend all of it on society. Frederik had been a student at the university, but he also had had a job. After attending classes, studying, and working, there were only a few precious minutes that he could use to eat and sleep, but instead, he devoted an hour or two to Engelbert's meetings.

Engelbert had loved that student and now he was gone. He had had such a pure heart, but his society - the thing he loved most in the world - had killed him.

The blond leader shed no tears, but he mourned in a silent rage with his eyes fixated on the wooden floorboards.

A knock brought him back from his reverie and he looked up at his door.

"Ja?" He asked.

"Hans, didn't you hear me calling you? Did you do well on your exam? tell me about your day!" Frau Engelbert said through the door.

"I passed my exam, ja." Engelbert confirmed. The door opened and his mother walked inside.

"oh darling, I'm so proud of you!" Frau Engelbert said with a large smile and kissed his cheek.

"danke, mutter." Engelbert replied and turned away from her happy face. "A couple of my friends are coming over to study again."

"Alright. Just don't stay up too late, Hans." His mother warned before leaving.

\----

"Mein freunds," Engelbert began somberly. "I have an announcement. Our friend Frederik has been taken from us because his birth parents were Jewish. Gerhard was housing Frederik and he is now in hiding as he waits for the Gestapo to find him as well."

the blond studied the faces of his friends and sighed.

"In these next few days or weeks of terror, we must remember why we joined this band of brothers to make a stand. Even though we haven't been able to actively do much, we have done enough. Perhaps our words will inspire others. Mein freunds, take heart! Whether the battle has ended or barely begun, we have fought it! Even if our losses are higher than the enemy's, we still out up a fight and stood for something. That is a larger victory than many could hope for.

"As Johan said, we must stand by each other, loyal, to the end. Not all are capable of withstanding torture, and I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone. Because of these things, I've found cyanide pills and I would like you each to take one." Engelbert finished and handed each member of the group a pill.

Johan looked up at Engelbert and handed the pill back.

"Engelbert, you must understand that I admire you and all you stand for and I love all of you as friends, but I cannot take this pill. I will do my best, if caught, to withstand torture until my dying breath, but I cannot and will not take my own life. Life is so precious a gift, how could I throw it away? We are fighting to give citizens their lives back, but I also want to keep mine. Forgive me, Engelbert, but I won't take it." Johan said with determination and looked into the blue eyes of his leader.

Engelbert nodded in understanding and touched the poet's shoulder.

"I wouldn't force anyone to take it, but it would be for your own good as well as that of the group. I have some more pamphlets if you are willing to hand them out tomorrow, but if you fear for your lives at this time and wish to remain in the safety of your homes, I wont think less than you. You are only human and although mankind is capable of much, we still succumb to weakness. there isn't anything else to be discussed tonight, so take some pamphlets and sleep well."

Not a soul in the room moved for a minute while they sat staring at their pulls and thinking. Engelbert watched as each of his friends seemed to struggle within themselves with the answer to, "would I take this pill?"

Johan was the first to stand up and take some pamphlets. He smiled a little at Engelbert and left. Curt was next and he quickly brightened the room and chased the shadows away with his sincere smile.

Frederik was gone, and so was Gerhard, so the only one left was Bernard. He stood and patted Engelbert on the back, making a joke about fighting until their last breath - though he probably meant it seriously in his heart - and took a few pamphlets.

Once his friends had left him, Engelbert looked at the remaining pill in the container. Conrad had taken three to give to Heilmar and Baldwin and himself. It had all been figured out and it was done. In a day or two, Gerhard would likely be caught, and after that, they would probably investigate the university. That seemed the most logical. It would take a while before the rest were caught if they were careful, and maybe they would be able to figure out something more substantial than handing out pamphlets.

Engelbert put the remaining pamphlets under his mattress and got undressed before climbing into bed and trying to sleep.

\----

A member of the Gestapo searched through the ransacked apartment where the Jude had been hiding. Bottles were strewn around along with dirty laundry and art supplies. The man bent down to pick up a small canvas that was lying in the mess. He picked it up and turned it over in his hands to reveal a pornographic drawing of a young blond man. Another painting that was found below the former was of this same man lying half nude on a bed and looking lovingly at the viewer.

"I think this man is a homosexual and that his lover is the blond in these paintings." He said to his fellow.

"Disgusting!" the other man replied and spat on the floor. "Is there a name anywhere?"

The first man continued searching through the pile until he found some really bad poetry and a few notes.

"Ja, I've found it! His lover's name is Hans Engelbert."

"Engelbert? I would have thought such a loyal member of the Nazi party would be clean."

The men left in search of Hans and Gerhard.


	13. Chapter 13

Engelbert got home from school late because he had been distributing pamphlets on the way back.

"Hans, you're back late." Frau Engelbert noted as she walked in from the sitting room.

"Ja, I stopped at a cafe. I'll be in my room studying." Engelbert replied and went up the wooden staircase just as he heard his father say something. The blond youth sighed and sat at his desk with his books to try and study, but soon found he couldn't concentrate. He stood up and turned the radio on. Static was heard for a moment before Beethoven was playing through the wooden box.

Engelbert sat and listened to it and took out his typewriter to write some more pamphlets. he typed with fury at the injustices of his county, along with the added emotion of having his friend taken away and the rest of their lives be put in danger. It wasn't that Engelbert feared death, or even pain, it was just that he had planned to do so much more. But if this was all he could do before death would take him away, then so be it.

As he typed, his bedroom door opened. Engelbert looked up in surprise - no one ever entered his room without knocking! It hadn't happened since he was a small child. There was a man standing in the doorway and Engelbert realized he was a member of the Gestapo.

"Guten abent." Engelbert greeted stiffly.

"What are you typing?" The man asked and snatched the unfinished pamphlet from the machine. Engelbert did nothing to stop him. The man examined it for a minute before putting it into his pocket and grabbing Engelbert's arm.

"A homosexual and a traitor! come with me, rat!" The man said as he pulled Engelbert to his feet.

"What are you talking about?" Herr Engelbert demanded. "There must be some mistake! My son could not be a..." Engelbert's father trailed off, unable to say the words.

"Hans! Tell him it isn't true!" Frau Engelbert pleaded and moved to clutch at Engelbert's arm, but the man pulled the blond youth away and escorted him down the stairs and to the door.

"How could you disgrace our family this way?!" Herr Engelbert screamed just before the door closed.

All the while, Engelbert remained calm, but as they pushed him into the backseat of a black Mercedes, he remembered that he had left his pill in this dresser.

Conrad would take it hard when he found out what had happened, but even though that thought hurt Engelbert, he knew it didn't matter in the long-run. He watched his house disappear as the car rolled away towards Gestapo head-quarters.

\----

Gerhard was lying on the bed in his hotel room thinking about Engelbert as he often did. what could his life had been if all this mess hadn't happened? He had thought Engelbert hated him, but the other night, Engelbert had comforted him and given him money. Gerhard could con himself into believing that he and Engelbert could have had a relationship. Engelbert wasn't interested in women it seemed, so Gerhard assumed that he could be homosexual.

And yes, it was true that Gerhard antagonized the blond leader, but Gerhard enjoyed it, and perhaps Engelbert did too deep down. He must enjoy that extra burst of energy it gave him. Gerhard imagined that they would argue and then Gerhard would silence the blond with a kiss. They would continue their argument with rough romanic gestures instead of words.

But even if that could have been possible - which Gerhard reasoned it probably wasn't - it couldn't happen now and Gerhard didn't even have his paintings to comfort him. He threw on a coat and was about to go get a drink, but as he opened the door, a man stood before him.

"You know why I'm here?" The man asked.

"Did you come for a drink?" Gerhard said sardonically. He felt blinding pain in his nose and heard a dreadful noise.

\----

Heilmar was walking with Baldwin after having just left a cafe. With his cane in his right hand and a book of medicine in the other, he walked along the street with a worried expression on his face.

"I think I have a bad fever, how can you be certain that I'm not as ill as I think?" Heilmar demanded, but not angrily. He could never be angry with Bald.

"I can't, but I'm pretty sure you're fine. Why don't we go stop in at Sophie's and then we can deliver the news to our bright angel, ja?" Baldwin suggested. Heilmar did admit that he wanted to see Sophie, and she did have a way of cheering him up when he was worried. Sophie was their shared girlfriend.

"ja, that sounds like a splended idea, mein freund! But...perhaps we should give the news to Engelbert first. If we don't, we might get distracted and then Engelbett wouldn't be very pleased." Heilmar reasoned. Baldwin laughed.

"We wouldn't want to face his wrath! Alright, we'll do it your way."

The duo continued on their walk and came to a stop at Engelbert's door. Heilmar gently tapped the center of the door with his cane and waited for a response.

it was at least a minute before the door opened, which was a shock to both young men, but not as much as the sight that greeted them when the door did open.

Frau Engelbert's eyes were red and tear stains were evident on her cheeks. Her hair was a mess and she looked like the delineator of misery.

"Frau Engelbert, what's the matter?" Baldwin asked first. The woman tried to speak, but all that came out was a strangled sob.

"Where's Hans?" Heilmar asked next. The woman just shook her head. Herr Engelbert appeared then and wrapped a protective arm around his wife's shoulders.

"I think it would be best if you left. And if you know whats good for you, you would stay away from homosexuals and conspirators." Herr Engelbert said in a voice filled with disgust and loathing. Heilmar understood and nearly let out a wail.

"They took him?" He asked in shock. Baldwin widened his eyes for several reasons. Engelbert had been arrested, the blond was apparently a homosexual, and Heilmar had practically admitted to treason himself due to his shock.

"did you know about this?" Herr Engelbert demanded.

"Nein, Herr Engelbert, we are just as surprised as you!" Baldwin reassured the Nazi.

"We're sorry to have disturbed you." Heilmar added. "Make something warm to drink - it helps calm the nerves." He suggested before leading Baldwin away. "Bald, we should tell the others." The medical student said softly as tears gathered in his eyes.

Bald nodded.

Curt's house was closest so that was where they went next. When they knocked at the door, it took about five minutes for it to open, but Bald and Heilmar had a suspicion as to why. A brown headed boy opened the door and ran a hand through his messed-up hair. His shirt wasn't tucked in and was wrinkled as if it had been thrown on the ground. obviously his parents weren't home at the moment. Good.

"hallo Heilar und Bald," Curt grinned. "I would offer for you to come in, but-"

"Ja, he figured you had a girl over when it took you five minutes for the door to open." Heilmar interrupted.

"Curt, we have something important to tell you. Could we come inside, just for a moment?" Baldwin asked solemnly. Curt nodded and opened the door as his joyful grin faded. if Bald was being serious, something was wrong.

The two stepped inside, but Bald caught his foot on the edge of the door and fell on his face.

"Just my luck," Baldwin muttered and tried to laugh a bit, but it nearly came out as a sob, so he bit it back. Heilmar and Curt grabbed him under the arms and hoisted him to his feet.

"We should sit down." Heilmar suggested and sat on one of the couch cushions. Bald followed, as did Curt. Curt sat in a burgundy large chair opposite the others.

"What is this about?" Curt asked.

"Wait - what about the girl?" Bald asked.

Curt waved an arm in dismissal. "She's trustworthy. Go on."

"It-it's about... Engelbert." Heilmar began slowly and tried to swallow his tears. "They arrested him." He said and started to cry. Bald wrapped an arm around Heilmar's shoulders, but he was also trying desperately not to cry and having almost as much success as his friend.

Curt sat in stunned silence for a moment before running his hands over his face. His kind brown eyes had clouded and he looked strange without his aura of light around him.

"Engelbert...they..." Curt swallowed a lump in his throat. "Nein, nein, it was a mistake, he'll be back in the morning."

"Curt..." Heilmar began.

"Engelbert wouldn't have been so careless! He couldn't have been caught! It's a mistake, it-" and Curt began to sob uncontrollably. Heilmar and Bald both gave up comforting each other and went over to Curt. They wrapped their arms around him and murmured soothing words to him through their own tears of anguish. Bald rubbed Curt's back through the dandy's white shirt.

"What will we do without him?" Curt asked softly.

\----

All Engelbert's friends took the news hard, but for Conrad, it may have been the hardest. He had stayed as strong as he could while the others were there because he was one of the oldest, and definitely one of the most comforting.

Once most of the others had gone - they were at the back room of a cafe - Johan sat by a window with his poem book open and began to write something with tears trailing down his cheeks. The poet would brush the tears away with his purple shirt sleeve which peeked out a bit from his blue jacket.

Conrad couldn't hold the pain in much longer, so he went to the furthest corner and took out a book. As he read, the tears came and so did the sobs. He tried to keep his sobs silent, but they still came and in a moment, the medical student had to lay his book down on the table for fear of it getting ruined by his tears.

Conrad had known that this could happen, but he had always hoped to be taken away with his friend. He wanted to die along with him.

"I'll try to finish what you started." Conrad said softly as if Engelbert was standing right beside him. Johan wrapped his arms around Conrad and tried to comfort him. Conrad sobbed into the poet's shoulder. The poet could see others' emotions so clearly and understood their needs and Conrad was very grateful for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter is a bit longer and it switches view point so much, but I wanted to show the pain of their friends. I hope you liked it! Please let me know what you think! :)


	14. Chapter 14

Engelbert looked up as his cell door opened and he was pulled to his feet. He felt chilled from the hard cell floor. While he had sat there though, he had had a little bit of time to think. They had assumed he was a homosexual - what had Gerhard done?

Truth be told,Engelbert wasn't upset at Gerhard for this, in fact, he wasn't upset with anyone. He hoped his death would prove to the Führer that he could not silence the thoughts of the people. He could kill the unclean, torture the rebellious, and indoctrinate the children, but the truth would always return and there was no way to stop it.

His heart burned with righteous fury and defiance, even as they brought him to a different room. All the halls seemed the same - white and blinding - and Engelbert soon became lost. The guards took him into a small room with a chair in the center and sat him down before handcuffing him to it.

Engelbert didn't struggle. He sat still and straight in his chair like a Greek god or a leader of a great revolution of years past.

"Ah, you're here I see. We thought we were catching a faggot to throw into a fire, but instead we found a traitor." A man's voice said. Engelbert looked at the door and saw a man who seemed about thirty with a confident expression and steely blue eyes. Engelbert looked at the man with a cold gaze of fury.

"You think it is morally wrong for me to sleep in another man's bed, but yet you see justification in persecuting the Jewish, the Gypsies, the Communists, and many others who are defenseless and have children? You see justification in a mad man beginning another war when we hardly made it out of the last one? How can this one end any better?" Engelbert spat. All he saw was a blur before sharp pain stung his cheek. His head hurt a little from the force of the smack and he had to take a minute to regain composure.

"Are you the author of the anti-Nazi pamphlets?" The man demanded harshly.

"Ja, I am." Engelbert replied without hesitation.

"What were you hoping to achieve?"

"to let the Volk know the truth! They need to see what our great country has come to - madness!" Engelbert said passionately.

"Who are the others in your group?" The man asked as someone else typed the interrogation on a typewriter in the corner. Engelbert focused on the "click, click, click" of fingers hitting keys.

A hand slamming down on his thigh brought him back to the interrogator.

"What are their names?" He asked again, but less calmly this time.

"It is only me," Engelbert lied and looked into the man's eyes defiantly. "I'm the only one."

"Liar! Traitor!" the man shouted and took out his stick. He brought it down on Engelbert'supper-back and the blond gasped in pain.

"Their names!"

"It was only ever me!" Engelbert repeated before the stick was brought down on his leg and he yelped in pain.

"What are their names?" The man repeated.

"I already told y-" Engelbert's response brought into a cry as the stick hit him in the stomach.

"we have your lover, you filthy boy! If you don't cooperate, we'll torture him for answers as well."

"Do as you like with him, he isn't my lover." Engelbert said truthfully. The man seemed a little taken aback by this answer, but he looked into Engelbert's eyes and smirked.

"Perhaps if you cooperate, we could arrange some sort of pardon for your actions. Your punishment could be lessoned and perhaps you could continue your studies. Come now, just answer the questions like a good boy."

Engelbert glared at the man and felt his muscles stiffen with hatred. Just as the man was about to ask a question again, Engelbert spat upon him.

"arghh!" the man yelled and pulled away. he took a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped the spit off of his suit and face, but he took a bit longer to compose himself again which brought great satisfaction to Engelbert.

\----

Once the torture was over, Engelbert was placed back in his solitary sell and the lights were turned off. It was frighteningly dark and he shivered from the cold. His whole body ached from multiple beatings and he collapsed on the small cot in the corner. It hurt the least to lie on his side, so he did. All he could hear was the sound of distant screams and the sound of his own breathing. Neither helped bring him peace, nor did the thought of his friends being caught. Engelbert's mind was racing around and his breasting began to quicken, even though he told it not to. Was he talking to himself now? Was he going insane after only a few hours?

Had it only been a few hours, or had it been a day? Was it night or day? Was he missing his classes, or was he only missing the precious hours of sleep? He closed his eyes and saw a stick being brought down on his defenseless body. He stiffened and opened his eyes.

"Shh, calm." He muttered quietly to himself. "You have to relax. This is one of their tactics to break you. Don't let them win." It was only after his breathing had calmed somewhat that he realized he had spoken out loud to himself.

After what seemed like hours, Engelbert's eyes closed and his mind fell into the blissful darkness of sleep.

But all good things must come to an end, and a minute later, bright lights were turned on and a loud voice barked,

"GET UP!"

For this was the way to break prisoners into submission - beat them senseless, drive them insane, deprive them of sleep, and awaken them as soon as they find it. Engelbert was beginning to wonder how much longer he would be able to withstand this.


	15. Chapter 15

Gerhard looked around the the small room and wondered what had happened. He had thought he would be locked away for hiding a Jew, but here he was being interrogated for the cause he hadn't believed it.

"We have Hans! If you don't cooperate, we will hurt him." The man threatened as he grew more and more frustrated with Gerhard's sarcastic answers. The cynic felt a chill pass through him and he imagined Engelbert's angel-like features contorted in agony. He couldn't let that happen. But then he imagined Apollo's loathing gaze fall upon him and realized that either way he would lose. If he tried to protect Engelbert from pain, their friends would be arrested and Engelbert would never forgive him (not to mention the guilt Gerhard wold feel at betraying his friends), but if he didn't cooperate, Engelbert would be tortured.

They will hurt and kill him either way, you idiot. Gerhard thought intelligently.

"I don't know anything about a protest." Gerhard lied. He felt something collide with his already sore face.

"You expect me to believe that you were unaware of what your lover was doing?" The man demanded. Gerhard felt fear grip his heart.

"What?" He gasped. His mind raced through the possible explanations and he suddenly felt ill. They thought they were lovers. They thought Engelbert was homosexual. why? Was he? Gerhard wanted him to be, but he had no sure evidence so neither should the Gestapo. Gerhard mentally searched for anything to suggest that Engelbert was and wanted to sob when he came to a conclusion. It must have been his paintings and notes. Idiot! How much more pain was he going to cause the world?!

the man seemed to be confused by Gerhard's surprise and was unsure of what to do. Just as Gerhard was about to respond, another man entered the room and whispered something into the interrogator's ear and then left.

"It seems your lover hasn't been very cooperative yet. He's a difficult man to break, but perhaps hearing you scream will loosen his tongue.

Gerhard watched as the man grabbed a knife from a tray. The man stepped back towards Gerhard again and brought the tip of the knife to Gerhard's upper arm. The dirty-once-white shirt was torn away from Gerhard and the knife was slowly pressed into his skin. The initial pain stung, but it wasn't so bad. Then the man slowly moved the knife upwards and Gerhard made a sound of protest, rather like a gasp, but he still wasn't screaming.

"Who are the others involved with this protest?" the man asked as if this were a casual conversation and not an interrogation.

"I. Don't. Know." Gerhard said through clenched teeth as he watched his blood flow down his arm. The tip of the knife was pressed back into the start of the wound and Gerhard gasped again. He started to shake, but not just from the pain. It had been about twenty-four hours, he figured, since he had had a drink and normally it wasn't more than eight.

"Who are the others involved with the protest?" The man asked.

"Not me." Gerhard said with a smirk. The man was growing irritated and he grabbed something that Gerhard couldn't see. When the man returned to his side, Gerhard saw the hand of the man press down on his arm and suddenly a burning sharp pain flew up his arm, along with an agonized scream that made Gerhard feel sick.

\----

Engelbert had been standing in a room very near Gerhard's. The men with him had informed him that he would be able to hear the screaming quite well from there.

At first there were only gasps and grunts and Engelbert hadn't been too bothered. But then he had heard a scream and it was so full of pain that it made him feel ill. Engelbert soon recovered, however, when he remembered that this was what they were trying to do. They wanted him to break, but he refused to.

Just as he had made up his mind, he heard another scream from the same room, along with a plead for it to stop. It was definitely Gerhard's voice.

Engelbert felt part of him want to ask them to stop as well, but the cause and their remaining friends were more important than Gerhard's suffering and so he fought the urge to say something. Instead, he stood strongly with his head high, his shoulders back and a look of defiance on his angel-like features.

Another few screams later, Engelbert was brought back to his own cell and told to sleep.

\----

After a while, Gerhard grew numb and his cries of pain seemed distant and weak.

"what are their names?!" The man demanded close to his ear.

"Frederik." Gerhard sobbed pathetically in a desperate attempt to not feel pain.

"The Jew?" The man asked. Gerhard nodded. "Who else?"

Gerhard whimpered and shook his head. Pain came again and another scream came out.

When they stopped abusing him, he hardly notice, but he welcomed the darkness of his cell and the solitude. he didn't remembered being brought out of the interrogation room, or the walk down the blinding white hall, but he didn't care. All he wanted was sleep.

both Engelbert and Gerhard had a difficult time falling asleep. They were both plagued by memories of torture and worries for their friends and their cause. Gerhard was so exhausted that he fell asleep within minutes, but Engelbert couldn't fall asleep for hours.

Sleep came, but was interrupted by the horrible cold light and another order to get up. It wouldn't be much longer before they both broke.


	16. Chapter 16

Engelbert was taken to the interrogation room for the third time in what he suspected was two days, but judging by how long it felt, it could have been weeks. He was exhausted and he couldn't stop his limbs from shaking as they sat him down and handcuffed him to the chair as usual.

The man came in as usual and asked the same questions he had the other times: Who are the others? Where did you meet? Who is the leader? as usual, with each question ignored or answered with a lie, Engelbert felt pain in his body.

It seemed to go on and on forever, but Engelbert could feel himself stretching and growing weary of all his. His body was shaking with the effort of staying upright and his eyes wanted to shut.

"Who is the leader?" The man demanded so close to Engelbert's face that he could almost taste the sausage and wine the man had recently eaten. The blond youth's stomach growled.

"I am." Engelbert answered simply.

"Liar!" The man shouted and hit Engelbert across the face. "You are far too young to be the leader!"

"Then ask Gerhard and he will tell you the same thing if you beat him enough." Engelbert said. Exhaustion had deprived him of some of the passion in his voice, but he still carried it in his tired eyes and the words he chose. Unfortunately, in his exhaustion, Engelbert didn't think of the words he had spoken.

"Gerhard said that he wasn't involved in the protest." The man replied with a smirk. "Are you saying that he lied to us?"

Engelbert felt a shiver go up his spine, but he realized that he hadn't given much away. Obviously, they hadn't believed Gerhard's lie since they had kept interrogating him. Still, Engelbert wondered why Gerhard had said that. Was it to protect Engelbert, himself, and the others, or was it because he truly thought he hadn't really been part of it.

Yes, the cynic hadn't done much to aid their cause, but he had attended all the meetings, helped Engelbert hand out pamphlets, and had kept their secrets, not to mention he had sheltered Frederik at the risk of being arrested or killed and had done everything Engelbert had asked him. The blond leader considered Gerhard to be a part of the group despite his sardonic comments and his criticism.

"you know yourself that he lied about it." Engelbert agreed wearily. "And I am the leader."

"Well then," the man began with a smirk. "You must know the names of the other traitors. What are their names?" Engelbert remained silent until he felt something sharp pierce his skin and slowly drag along his arm. A cry filled the room as hot stickiness flowed from his left arm.

"What are their names?!"

"I d-" the man pressed down on the wound and Engelbert shouted, "Ber- Beethoven!"

"Ber? Perhaps, Bernard is what you meant to say?" The man asked. Engelbert bit his lip, but something was poured into his arm and Engelbert couldn't help but open his mouth.

"Ja!" He cried and whimpered with shame and agony.

"Bernard. Good. Who are the others?" The man demanded.

"Nein, no more." Engelbert pleaded.

"WHO ARE THE OTHERS?!" The man shouted into Engelbert's ear and pressed down on the wound again.

"Heilmar!" Engelbert's body betrayed him.

"who else?" The man repeated and only waited a second before inflicting more pain.

"Jo- Josef!" Engelbert lied in a vain attempt to protect his remaining friends. "That is all." He added.

"Very well," the man agreed. "Take him back to his cell."

Engelbert was angry with his body for betraying his friends, but he was too exhausted to do much about it. He allowed them to lead him to his room, bind his arm, and give him a little bit of food and water before he fell asleep.

\----

Gerhard had been sitting in his cell contemplating his miserable life. as he thought about his alcoholism, his fall from belief in anything, his loss of morals, and then his redemption through Engelbert, Gerhard began to shake and a burning pain appeared in his head unexpectedly. He felt ill and desperately wanted a drink. Why did withdrawal come to him in prison? He scowled. Likely just another cruel trick of nature.

he was so preoccupied with his misery that when the cell door opened with a creek,he hardly noticed, nor did he notice the arms grabbing him and the low voice yelling something at him.

When he finally regained awareness, he was sitting in the interrogation room with the interrogator staring at him expectantly.

"Did you say something?" Gerhard asked after an awkward pause. The man growled and smacked him hard across the face. Gerhard winced from the contact with his bruised skin.

"Who are the other rebels?" The man repeated.

"I told you I'm not part of the rebellion! I-" Gerhard felt something hit him hard in stomach and he was winded for about a minute. He gasped for breath without taking in air and began to panic.

"Who are the rebels?" The man repeated.

"I don't know!" Gerhard insisted and then cried out as more pain ran through his body.

"Liar! Engelbert said three names - Josef, Heilmar und Bernard. Are these names correct?" The man asked.

"I have no idea who those people are, but what do I -" Gerhard's voice broke into a shriek as a blade carefully slid into his skin and some warm liquid was poured into the wound.

"Heilmar is correct?"

"Ja!" Gerhard whimpered and felt tears stream down his face as he thought of his friends and how they would be brutally killed. Worse still, he thought of Engelbert's disappointed look, but far greater was the realization that Gerhard was more afraid of Engelbert's disappointment than his friends' pain. He was ashamed of himself and shed more tears.

"Bernard?" The man asked. Gerhard bit his lip. The man pressed his fingers into the wound and Gerhard cried out again.

"Ja, Ja!" Gerhard screamed. "Please, stop!"

"Liars do not get sleep or rest, traitor! You are a part of them! What about Josef?" The man yelled.

"Nein, Josef is wrong." Gerhard replied quickly to stop the pain. It was too quickly. The knife was dug into the wound again.

"Johan, Johan! Josef is wrong, his name is Johan!" Gerhard's pained scream echoed throughout the small room.

"ah good. Any other names?"

"Nein, I can't remember any." Gerhard lied and felt something hit him in the head and back repeatedly. soon his mind was going fuzzy from the pain; he screamed and he revealed the names with little to no recollection. Finally, his brain shut down and he passed out. Darkness clouded his mind pleasantly. He woke up whatever amount of time later in his small cell lying on his uncomfortable cold cot.

Gerhard remembered very little of the torture, but he knew he had betrayed his friends and they would die for it.


	17. Chapter 17

Conrad looked at everyone in the back room of the cafe. "We have had success with spreading our cause, but we still need to be careful. We could be found out. I would advice that all of us get in the habit of taking our pills with us everywhere so that if one of us is caught, the others might be saved."

"Did Engelbert and Gerhard have time to take the pill?" Curt asked rhetorically. He knew there was no way of telling.

A silence fell upon the group with a dark heaviness that extinguished the brightest lights in their group, such as Curt, Johan, Bald, and Heilmar.

Conrad removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes with two fingers of his right hand. "That is all for today. I'm sure we all have studying to do." He said tiredly. It wasn't only physical exhaustion though; Conrad was emotionally exhausted.

All of the freunds sat there unwilling to move for a moment and Conrad was afraid they wouldn't leave, but then Johan stood and looked around.

"We should go and study and rest. We will be no use to anyone staying in this room in misery." Johan said in a louder voice than usual.

Curt, Heilmar, and Baldwin all stood, followed by Bernard. The gaps in the group were obvious and the mood seemed to darken.

Curt walked home and ran a hand through his hair. He wasn't happy, which was quite unusual, and he needed something. He sat down on his bed and took out photos of all his friends from the summer before. He started to cry.

There was one of Engelbert smiling just slightly and touching Curt's shoulder. There was another with Johan, Bernard, and Conrad all sitting in the grass together, and then there was one of them all together, except Gerhard.

Since they hadn't known Gerhard before, there were no pictures of him. Curt wondered where Gerhard's family was and if they knew what had happened to their son. Curt's vision blurred as tears gathered in his eyes until they rolled down his cheeks.

What was going to happen to everyone he cared about?

There was a knock at the door and Curt jumped a little. He stood and wiped his tears away and checked in a mirror that he looked alright before answering the door with a shaking hand.

"Curt," Elke said with a smile. Curt felt his emotions build up and started to cry again. "What's wrong?" She asked and touched his shoulder gently.

"I'm sorry, Elke, I just...a couple of my friends got arrested and I don't know what to do." Curt explained as more tears streamed down his face.

"Are your parents home?" Elke asked and stroked Curt's face gently.

"No, they're visiting my grandparents. They're supposed to be back tomorrow sometime, probably in the afternoon." Curt replied. Elke nodded and took Curt's hand. She guided him back into his house and went into his kitchen.

"Sit down," she ordered and grabbed a kettle and a few ingredients from cupboards.

"What are you doing?" Curt asked, but obeyed.

"Making tea." Elke said. Curt watched as she put careful measurements into a mug and waited for the water to boil. Once it had boiled, she poured the steaming water into the mug and stirred the liquid around a few times.

"Here," Elke said gently and handed Curt the mug. "Drink that."

Curt did as he was told and took a few small gulps of the soothing liquid. He put the mug down and started to cry again.

Elke sat on the floor by his chair and caressed his thigh softly. She watches him drink the rest of the mug and then brought him over to the couch where they both sat down. Elke leaned her head against his shoulder and played with his brown curls.

"Do you want to talk more about it?" She whispered.

"No. I want a distraction." Curt replied distantly. Elke looked up at Curt and kissed his neck gently. Curt hummed softly which Elke found reassuring. she continued pressing gently kisses along his neck and then up to his jawline and back by his ear. As she did this, Curt seemed to become more and more relaxed.

Elke sat up more and carefully turned Curt's head to face her own. She smiled and waited for him to smile back before bringing their lips together softly. Curt returned the kiss and let out a soft whimper. Elke put an arm around Curt and stood up slowly without breaking their kiss. She lead him to his bedroom and ran a hand up his shirt.

"I'll distract you." Elke said with a soft smile and closed the bedroom door.

\----

Conrad didn't have a girlfriend to distract him, but he did have a book or two. He sat at home with a book on his lap and tried not to think about Engelbert. He was just beginning to calm down when there was a knock at his door. He jumped, but stood calmly and walked the few steps over.

When Conrad opened the door he saw a man standing there in a dark trench coat and large black boots. He addressed Conrad by name and Conrad nodded.

"you know why I'm here?" The man asked in a low and threatening voice.

"Ja, ja, I do." Conrad said softly.

"Come with me."

Conrad glanced at the man's stick and nodded. He slipped one hand into his pocket as he followed the man out and quickly slipped the small pill into his mouth, trying not to think too much about what it did, or rather, would do to him.

He watched as the streets went by and took deep breaths. One minute, he counted, two minutes, he counted, but he never got to three.

\----

Johan did not go home. Not for fear of being caught, but for fear of not living. He wanted to be alive until the very last second, and he didn't want his last memories to be of sitting in his small living-room.

He swung his small simple satchel towards his chest so he could more easily access his poem notebook and took it out, careful not to damage the pages.

"If I should die tomorrow,

what would I miss the most?

The sound of friendly laugher

after a witty joke?

perhaps in somber solitude

when dusk draws near at last

I would ponder all my choices

and feel it beat inside my breast.

My song is now receding

and soon it will go out

and as much as I may wish to

i shan't scream, nor cry, nor shout.

I will face the end straight on

and pretend I'm not afraid

for if I stand defiant

they'll think I am so brave.

Perhaps my death will inspire

another student group

to take our call to arms and then

they'll take on the Hitler Youth.

The battle will be bloody

the mothers they will weep

but in the end our Führer

Will suffer great defeat!"

Johan wrote the poem and was unsatisfied with it, but the end gave him enough strength that he was too attached to change it. It was far from his best work, but it would do. Besides, it was raw emotion in what might be his final moments.

He signed his name at the bottom and stood again. He wanted his book of poetry to be kept in a safe place. it held his soul and he wished to keep it alive.

Johan was proud to be part of The Freunds and he would gladly fight their war of words until the very end, but he would miss life and all it's ups and downs.

The young poet walked down the street to a small quaint house. Johan knocked on the wooden door three times and waited for it to open.

"Paula," Johan said when a petite girl opened the door.

"Johan," Paula blushed. "It's nice to see you again. Would you like to come in?"

"You look beautiful, Paula, and I would like to come in, but I cannot today." Johan replied and blushed.

"Thank you," Paula smiled. "Perhaps we could meet after school sometime and you could read me some of your poetry."

"I wanted to give you this. Could you keep it safe for me? It's my life." Johan replied and handed her the notebook. In between the pages of poetry, small flowers were carefully pressed. Paula looked at it in awe and then looked back at the poet.

"It's beautiful, Johan! I'll take very good care of it, I promise! But why are you giving it to me?" She asked.

"I need somewhere to keep it for now. Thank you." Johan smiled and kissed Paula's cheek gently and returned home.

The poet made himself some tea and sat down to drink it, but he didn't even get halfway through his cup before there was a knock at his door. He opened it and saw a man dressed in black. He felt the small pill in his pocket, but he thought of all that he loved about life and couldn't take it.

life was such a precious gift and he refused to throw it away, even if it would be easier. He wanted to experience everything, even if it would hurt. He faced his fate bravely.

\----

Elke left Curt's house the next morning and Curt sat around in fear of what was to come. Ten o'clock came without a knock, then eleven and noon, and then one. At two twenty-five, the knock came and Curt felt his stomach drop at the hollow sound. He opened the door and couldn't even register it as the man asked his name. Curt replied, but had no recollection of it as he was taken to the black Mercedes.

He also thought of taking the pill, but he didn't want to die that way, so he left it where it was.


	18. Chapter 18

The cell to Engelbert's room opened and the blond awoke in anticipation. A young man, about the same age as Engelbert, was standing in the doorway. He pushed a bowl of food towards the blond and stood up tall again before saying,

"your trial will be held in a few days." Engelbert felt a bit of cold air reach him and he shivered. The cell door closed again with an echoing click and uncomfortable silence filled the room.

The blond did well in solitude and he didn't need much to be content. That being said, he missed his friends and his classes, as well as his teachers and classmates, and a nice warm meal everyday. He missed his comfortable bed and his bookshelf full of books (some of which were illegal) beside a cosy chair. what Engelbert missed most though was freedom.

Now that he was sitting in a cold, damp, melancholy cell, he finally understood what the Jews and the Gypsies and the homosexuals and all the other hated groups were going through.

As he pondered this, he could hear Gerhard's cynical voice in his head saying how ironic that was that because Engelbert had tried to free them, he was now in similar circumstances to them. The blond stiffened and said to his wall,

"I would rather have tried to do something and be placed with the suffering than to have done nothing and be living in false freedom."

the wall didn't care.

\----

Gerhard stared at the food he had been given and contemplated the news of the trial.

"They're going to kill us anyway, why do they need to put us on trial?" He grumbled and shoved a bit of food in his mouth. His mouth was try and he wanted a drink of wine. He wanted to forget life, but he was going to have to remember it instead.

Johan would have likely criticized him for wishing to drown out his woes so near his imminent death, but Gerhard didn't care. He didn't want to "live until your last breath" as the poet would likely put it.

His thoughts turner to Engelbert as they often did and he wondered how the blond was. He missed him. Did Engelbert miss Gerhard? Gerhard snorted. Oh course not. Who would miss him?

The days went by with little interruption and Gerhard was beginning to wonder if he had been forgotten. Then one day, the cell opened and he was brought to his feet. A guard escorted him to a bathroom and handed him his clothes.

"Whats going on?" Gerhard asked in confusion.

"You must be ready for the trial today. Now go!" the guard ordered and turned his back from Gerhard as the cynic stripped and watched as the water caressed his skin. He moaned with delight and relished in how clean he felt afterwards. He dried himself off and changed into the clothes that were provided. The guard was still facing the wall, so Gerhard coughed.

"I'm finished." He said and the guard turned back to face him. Even though he was likely heading to his death sentence, Gerhard couldn't help but be kinda happy and he found himself smirking now and then.

When he was lead to a truck and put inside, he had an actual reason for his seemingly misplaced joy - Engelbert was there. Gerhard gasped and took in the sight of Engelbert sparkling clean and defiant as ever. His nose seemed a bit crooked and his hair had grown, but he was beautiful and Gerhard could have so easily pressed his cracked lips to the god's, but he refrained.

Engelbert looked at Gerhard as the latter sat down. No smiles were exchanged, but Gerhard saw Engelbert relax slightly as if he were glad, or at least alright with, Gerhard's presence.

The truck started and Gerhard moved slightly in sync with the movements of the vehicle on the road. His hand hit Engelbert's thigh (it was an accident) and he apologized and looked away. Engelbert didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry." Gerhard said after a few minutes of silence.

"You already apologized for bumping my leg." Engelbert replied uncaringly.

"Nein, not for that."

"then for what?" Engelbert asked in confusion.

"For making them believe you're homosexual. I didn't mean to- I shouldn't have been so careless to leave all those paintings..."

"Don't think about it. It's done now and I don't blame you." Engelbert interrupted. Gerhard looked at the blond in surprise.

"You don't?"

"Nein, I blame those who should be blamed for all of this - the Nazis. Why should it matter what you paint? Why should it matter whether you lust after me or not?" Engelbert explained logically.

Gerhard felt a stab of pain in his heart and turned away. Engelbert thought his feelings were only lust?

\----

They arrived at the trial and were told to sit down. Engelbert sat and Gerhard sat beside him. There was a noise and Engelbert looked up to see Curt and Johan being brought in. So they hadn't taken the pill, just like Engelbert. Engelbert wondered if Curt had forgotten. He recalled Johan refusing to take it earlier, but the memory was foggy and seemed like it came from another lifetime.

Johan's and Curt's eyes lit up a bit when they saw the others. Even if they were all going to die, it was good to die with friends.

The four of them were questioned as Engelbert and Gerhard had been in prison, but without the beatings that had followed. Instead, they were just yelled at and called name. None of them minded much, except Curt who hadn't been yelled at his entire life. His lip trembled a bit sometimes and Johan had to take his hand sometimes to comfort him.

After a while, the sentences were decided and a man stood to read them.

"Johan, for assisting an enemy of the third Reich and distributing illegal pamphlets, you are sentenced to five years in a work camp." The man said in monotone.

"Curt, for assisting an enemy of the Third Reich and distributing illegal pamphlets, you are sentenced to five years in a work camp." The man said in the same voice.

"Gerhard, for assisting an enemy of the Third Reich, hiding and protecting a Jew, distributing pamphlets, and practicing homosexuality, you are sentenced to serve in a camp for twelve years." This time, the sentence was spoken with a bit more disgust than the others.

"Hans Engelbert, for writing and distributing pamphlet. And for committing high treason, as well as practicing homosexuality, you are sentenced to death."

At this last sentence, Curt burst into tears.

Engelbert stood motionless and looked at the man.

"Are there any of you who wish to speak?" The man asked.

"Ja, I would." Gerhard replied. "I would like to be granted permission to die with Engelbert. I am loyal to him and if you let me out after twelve years, I will still be loyal to him. I will continue to do the things which you sentenced me for and I don't think any of you would like that very much."

Engelbert turned to look at Gerhard with mild surprise. Gerhard glanced at Engelbert and offered him a small smile before turning back to the court.

The court discussed it amongst themselves before the sentence was reread as, "Gerhard, for assisting en enemy of the Third Reich, hiding and protecting a Jew, distributing pamphlets, practicing homosexuality, and refusing to change your actions, you are sentenced to death."

\----

They were taken from the court room and brought back to prison. The four of them were marched to one cell and told,

"you have five minutes to say goodbye." And the door was closed.

Gerhard looked at Engelbert, Johan and Curt looked at Gerhard and Engelbert, and Engelbert was staring at the wall.

"I can't believe this. It seems so unreal." Curt interrupted the silence quietly.

"The Third Reich loves killing it's children." Engelbert replied. Curt started to cry again and he threw his arms around Engelbert.

"I missed you and now you're being taken from me forever!" The usually cheery youth sobbed.

"It won't be forever, Curt. We shall see everyone again in Heaven." Johan reminded Curt and smiled a bit, but there were tears in his eyes as well as he embraced Gerhard.

"The others took the pill?" Engelbert asked as he hugged Curt back loosely.

"Ja, they're all gone." Curt agreed and sniffed. Engelbert thought of Conrad and nodded sadly. The selfish part of him wished that his closest friend could be there to say goodbye. As much as the blond was fine with dying, he was still human and still subject to a bit of weakness and he wanted comfort. He just wanted to feel his friend's arms around him once more.

They released each other and Gerhard sat down in the corner.

"There's one thing I don't understand," Johan began. "I never knew that you and Gerhard-"

"We didn't. It was my fault. I'm homosexual and I painted erotic paintings of Engelbert. They found them, along with some other stuff, and assumed we were dating." Gerhard interrupted darkly.

"Do not blame Gerhard. I would have been found out eventually anyway." Engelbert said to Curt and Johan. The others nodded.

"We wouldn't blame you for it, Gerhard. You're our friend too and we don't want either of you to die." Johan said.

"You aren't upset that I'm homosexual?" Gerhard asked in surprise. Curt laughed despite himself.

"No! Of course not! I'm actually really curious about it. Heck, if it wasn't illegal, I'd give it a shot!" Curt winked.

"That thought didn't prevent you from going to illegal dances or handing out pamphlets." Engelbert corrected.

"True, but it seems like it's easier to hide those things. News about sex seems to travel around faster."

"Unless you know what you're doing." Gerhard argued. "You would get caught because you don't know where to find other homosexuals, unlike me."

"Where do you find them?" Curt asked. Before Gerhard could respond, a guard came.

"It's time to leave!" He barked and opened the door. Curt embraced Gerhard and then Engelbert and tried not to cry as the guard dragged them all away from each other.

Engelbert and Gerhard were taken to a truck and shoved in the back.

"You know," Gerhard said quietly after a pause. "You're wrong about something."

"Really? What?" Engelbert asked curiously.

"I don't lust after you. I mean, I do, but... Engelbert, I love you." Gerhard explained with sincerity. Engelbert looked at him.

"You love me?" He asked a bit doubtfully.

"Ja, I do. I love hearing you speak and walk and of course I think you're beautiful, but it's more than that. I just want to be with you always and to wake up to you beside me every morning. I want to take care of you when you work yourself to exhaustion. I love you." Gerhard explained and felt his voice crack a bit with the realization that they would never have that. "That's why I asked to die with you. I couldn't bare to live without you. I wouldn't really be alive."

Engelbert looked at the dark haired man and thought for a moment before slowly pressing their lips together. Gerhard took in a surprised breath and kissed Engelbert back. He wanted more, he wanted to explore every inch of Engelbert's skin and learn what made Engelbert moan with pleasure, but they couldn't do it now and they would never receive the opportunity again.

Engelbert pulled away gently and took Gerhard's hand.

"I need you to know that I don't love you because I wouldn't be able to die knowing I had lied to you. But I am glad that you love me. I've had so many people show sexual interest in me and I'm relieved that you feel more than that for me. Thank you for your loyalty to me, even if I wish your loyalty was placed in a cause rather than a man." Engelbert said gently. Even though his voice was gentle, the words hurt Gerhard and healed him simultaneously.

"You're welcome."

\----

They were taken to individual cells and left there for what felt like years. They shivered at night because they weren't offered a blanket or clothes incase they decided to kill themselves. Their beds were uncomfortable and their heads ached.

Finally, they were taken from their cells and brought to the execution chamber. Engelbert and Gerhard looked at each other once before their sentences were reread. They took Engelbert first and brought him to the chopping block. He submitted himself to death with a grace that is very fair. He was truly calm and Gerhard knew he was an angel, even if he was still a living man. He was killed and Gerhard could hardly believe anyone could decapitate a body and mind as beautiful as Engelbert's.

Then it was his turn and he went forward far less graceful to follow his leader and his love. He laid down and waited for the second of pain to come.


End file.
